Midnight Thoughts

You can judge all you want, but that's all you can get. You'll never know the truth because you don't deserve knowing it, anyway.

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ASDFSGHAM

Eh ganyan ka naman eh. Last night you called me to say "I'm sleepy now I love you good night" then you immediately ended the phone call. Pero di ka naman din natulog after.

Then awhile ago, you texted me you just got home and your sick and you're going to rest na and "I love you good night" pero ang tagal mo paring on line.

I'm just pissed. Seems like you're always in a rush to end the conversation and blah, go on with your life. Good night.

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Things I'll Never Say

I just cried my heart out a few minutes ago.
Reality made me sad and I felt like I had nowhere to go.
It may always seem like I already have everything I want
But what people don't know is that all this time, I've only been trying to survive.

I never grew up in a big and adorable house
I've never been a princess who has always been loved
I'm one of those kids who's been used to bullying
I always strive to fit in, in this world I thought I'd love to be in.

My life has been shattered and broken apart
And each time it did, I always stood up with a stronger heart
I grew up believing that my mind could take me to places
And it's the only thing I have, for me to make it through this mess

People will judge and say things about me
People will act like they know everything that concerns me
People will try to understand who I am
But all they can see is what I have been showing them

There will always be these things that I'll never say
Things that I will try to conceal every single day
The time will come when everything will fall into place
And by that moment, I would have reached the end of this maze

My dreams will come true and I'll get what I want
The things I've never had will someday be on my hands
I'll make you proud and I'll pay you back
And the life we've had will fin'lly change its track...

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Do you really know me?

People would say they know me and talk things like they really understand me. But, what the hell? You may have known who I WAS but you can never be so sure that you still know who I AM. 

Here’s to all the people who act like they know me so well. :)

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Done asking for more?

I'm already done asking for more. If you won't give me enough to make me feel special, then it's up to you. I've learned how expectations hurt, and I don't wanna feel disappointments anymore. I'll accept what you give, and we'll be playing fair. :)

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Can I Explore the World with You?

Warning: this is a drama of an only child

(c) http://www.sptimes.com/2007/06/10/images/xlarge/PascoN_paslane_1697735.jpg

I am not really comfortable talking about this with other people, but I just wanna speak this one out. Just now. 

I am an only child and I never really did grew up getting everything I want. Though admittedly, my parents are not really that strict when it comes to house rules. I am not spoiled, or at least I think I'm not. I don't consider myself as one of those rich kids who always tend to get what they want. 

But I am someone who have always wanted a lot of things. I have that tendency of feeling really disappointed when I don't get what my parents had promised me (though I was the one who actually forced them to make that promise :/). But I've learned to deal with that. I've learned to somehow manage that attitude I have. But there are really these times wherein I could no longer handle myself...

Here's my problem... I have always wanted to explore the world, to go to different places, to experience a lot of things. And I always long to achieve those with my parents. I am jealous of those people whose parents are the ones initiating going to various places for vacation, etc. I understand... We don't really have a budget for such extra-activities. But I can't help feeling like..... "Can't I experience going somewhere with you even just once every 2 years?" 

I go out with my friends, with my boyfriend, with my classmates. We go to the malls (where you won't even want to go), watch movies, shop for things, go out of town (well, for field trips), sleep over at someone's house, drink 'til we're drunk, etc. But you know what? Even though I'm happy with their company, I am still wishing that we could also have those types of get-together. Well it will not completely be the same, of course. It will be a different one. But the thing is, I am with you and we're doing the things I've always dreamed of doing with you...

Maybe I am really being childish. Maybe I'm being irrational. But this is what I've always kept with me ever since. This doesn't mean that I love them less, it's just that, there are certain things that my heart is longing for. I'll always be thankful for everything they've given me. And I'll always love them no matter what. I'm just letting this out. I'm just really feeling bad...

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Mixed Emotions, Beyond Expectations

I've been feeling like a crap since Sunday night (I'm having my monthly period soon, that's why). But anyway... Aside from that, one of the things that bothered(and some still bothering) me is that I might fail Financial Accounting 1 (which, by the way, is my major subject). 'Di ko naman inaasahan na papasa ako, at kung papasa naman ako, alam kong nasa tres lang ang grade ko. I wasn't myelf during the last semester. And it wasn't my best shot in being a nerd. So I know where I stand. My only hope is a miracle.... at yung mag-adjust ng sobra ang prof. 

Our grades were supposed to be out tomorrow. But I was really eager to press F5 on my keyboard para irefresh ang Student Module this afternoon. *F5* (Still no grade in Accounting) *check twitter, then fb and after almost 2 minutes balik sa module then F5* (And I'm like, OMG THANK GOD. IS THIS SERIOUS? I PASSED FINACC1!!)

click for a larger view

Believe me, this one was more than I had hoped for. Felt so blessed and really grateful. My hands were cold and shaking after seeing my grade, and I really could not ask for more from Him now (and thanks to my professor Sir Tiu, too, and I guess Sir Alajar). God is really great. He makes all things possible. We just have to keep our faith. 

And so this is another wake up call for me. Time to change for the better, even for the best. I really would allot more time studying for Accounting now, just like what I did last school year. Better make my foundations strong than waste my time and regret for the things I should have done. I don't need to wait for another failure for me to realize that I can still do better. As my new mantra in life says, "Do it right now so you won't have to look back and say I could have tried harder." 

BSA all the way! I can be, I will be, and I shall be a CPA someday. :)

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October SuperSale Bazaar

So my college buddy and I went to WTC for this bazaar last Saturday and look what I've got! Well it's not really a lot but I guess it's alright for a 2,000 PHP budget and I even got a savings of 100. 

A dress (380), 2 tops (750), 1 pair of shoes (500), 2 nail polish (and a BB cream w/c is not shown in the pic; 170), and that amazing nail polish remover (100). Not bad? Or still a waste of money? What do you think? :)

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Unsafe

When you're surrounded with people whose business is talking about other people's lives, you just don't feel really safe. . .

Or is it just me? 

I always find it hard to deal with people, but really, I find it harder when it comes to these type of persons I just mentioned above. It seems like when you're with them, they are your friends. And when you aren't, they talk about you. And when they talk about you, they don't see your positive side. They dwell on the negative one and on their assumptions/theories of who you are. 

It sucks to be the one being talked about. And it also sucks to be listening to those kinds of conversations you really aren't interested in. Maybe that's why I really should avoid this kind of people. Not that they could not be my friends; it's just that, I could not stand them. I could not understand them. They seem to see every flaws other people have, but they don't seem to notice how filthy they are. 

I'm not saying that I am all clean and shit-less. But I am not really the type of person who can deal with such attitudes. Maybe I was able to tolerate this back then, but I don't think I can withstand this any longer.

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Because you always make sense and I don't. Because you aren't shallow and I am.

And I sometimes wonder how would it be like when I stopped caring too much. When I finally became the person who doesn't give a damn about every little thing. Would it make you feel better or worse? 

Girls have a habit of being too paranoid about little things and guys easily get annoyed about it. But maybe, we just have our own way of showing how we'd like you to care for us. Maybe we're scared for you to get tired of our drama, yet too stubborn to do something 'bout it. But believe me, we're trying. Our emotions are just too strong that we can't handle it right most of the time. Just as you find it hard to manage your anger when you feel tired of dealing with us.

Yes sometimes we're shallow, and we don't make sense. We find it hard to explain ourselves in a way that you'll understand us. We find it hard to tell you that we've only acted/felt that way because we're too afraid of what could possibly happen next. And then the next thing we know, you've already shut yourselves off from us. 

You don't understand how long the things you've said could stay in our minds. We don't understand it too. You try to tell us to get over them because these should stay in the past, and believe me, we really try so hard to do as you say. But we always tend to look back and remember how it felt before. We always tend to bring those things up again because these have become part of who we are now. These things play a crucial role on how we try to understand you and ourselves and on how we deal with the relationship we have. And we'll ask ourselves, is this a good thing or not? 

Little things matter. And I realized that they could either build a great thing up or destroy one. I hope I'll soon find a way to finally let these insecurities and past issues go. I wouldn't want to destroy myself...

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Late Monday Morning Thoughts

You are my lover and my sweetest man

Acting weird around you is just so much fun.

No one has ever made me feel this way

So I'm not letting go, I'm here to stay.

What's up with these words that seem to rhyme?

Oh I don't know baby, they just popped on my mind.

I guess I just simply wanted to let you know

That I'm thinking of you and I'm missing you so.

PS This is really a random post and I didn't actually intend to write a very short "poem" or whatever. So yeah. Good morning! :)  

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Living in a World of Lies

I've always been that kind of girl who's too conscious of how people might see me. I always try to put up my better side to conceal my flaws. I always prefer to be seen as the innocent, sweet and understanding girl one could ever know. But the real thing is, am I really that person? Do I always have to try so hard to be accepted for who I am not?

My boyfriend made me think of these things. I've been trying to act as someone else as I try to convince myself that I am that person. I'm hiding things because I'm afraid of how people would react once they knew my dark sides. I'm afraid to be rejected, I always wanted to fit in. But now I'm asking myself, would I be happier this way? 

Oh, a lot of questions in my head. But I no longer want to be that girl who worries a lot because I am not the person people thought I was. Or at least, I think people thought I was. I wanted to be myself. I wanted to see who will really be there to accept me for who I am. No judgments, no pretensions. I'd love to have a carefree life. I'd love to act liberated in front of everyone. I no longer want to hide. I no longer want to live in a world of lies. I wanna be exposed for who I am. I wanna be just myself.

And as funny as it is, I just received a group message from one of my Bedan friends. It says, "Life is never about proving people that you are a good person. Sometimes, the bad things also matter. For in your dark side, you can see among the people that surround you are ready to light the road with you. It's not about how many friends you have, or how many people roam around you. It's how few of them ACCEPTS. For in your nothingness, people who are TRUE to you find reasons to LOVE you still."

And it hit me. 

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At least be sensitive enough...

I woke up to the news that residents of Marikina are being forced to evacuate from their area. After that, I found out that even Cavite is now under the state of calamity. What's next? I really hope for these things to end now, if not, at least keep everyone really safe. But what actually bothers me is that how insensitive some people can be.

It sucks to see some posts regarding makeup classes, term breaks, class suspensions, moved examinations, etc. Some can even bother to rant about how they don't want Saturday classes, how they love to have more class suspensions, and how they're feeling sad that for sure, term and sem breaks will be shorter. C'mon guys. Even at this situation, we still can manage to be REALLY self-centered? Aren't we lucky enough that we're not being carried away by these floods? Can't we just be thankful and shut the fuck up? If we can't do anything for them, at least be sensitive enough to sympathize. Or really, don't you have a heart for that?

It's sad to know that there are these people who can even think of these IDIOTIC things. Apathetic individuals. Honestly? I am stuck here at home and I, too, can't really do anything for them; but at least I know where to put myself and my words in this kind of situation. Or at least I think I know. 

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Just a rainfall...

It's been raining hard since Monday and classes have been suspended since Tuesday. It's quite  surprising how damaging this rainfall had been, to think that there isn't even any typhoon in our country's area of responsibility. Yes, I'm stuck in this house, but lucky enough to feel safe from floods. Oh how I wish everyone's safe, too. It's heartbreaking, indeed, to be in this kind of situation. Let's all send our prayers for everyone's safety. I think that's the least we can do if we could not lend a hand in person. 

Maybe we should stop complaining and blaming each other? What matters now is how we could help each other to make it through this calamity. 

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REAL BITCH

BITCHES GONNA BITCH, WHORES GONNA WHORE, SLUTS GONNA SLUT. Oh, is that even valid? 

Oh women, back off. Stop trying to get the attention of a man who's already taken. Fuck it off. Home wreckers. =_=" Go fuck yourself if you want something to fuck. Stop trying to cross the boundaries. Get a life. OUT. OF. US.

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Why is everything so confusing?

Words. Words. Words. What do I want to say? What do I want to hear? What do I want to listen to? What do I want to conceal? But really, of all these desires, what do I need?

We're living in a world where we aim to please, as they say. But does this justify the lies we utter in order to please others? Does this justify the pain after knowing we have just been fooled by these words? I don't know. I can't tell. I'm confused, too. 

Why do people have to tell us one thing then take it back? Why do they have to fill our minds with so much hope and promises then leave us hanging afterwards? Why is it so hard to understand what's real and what's not? Why are words so complicated to decipher and figure out? 

It makes me sad and confused, and it hurts. I am emotionally drained from everything. Why do I have to believe one thing and figure out another? And suddenly, they're taking back what you just figured out, saying that what you've been believing is the one that's true. Oh God, I am too tired.

Our mood affects the words we express. You say you were upset, and that made you say those things. But for how long are we going to keep this up? I want to understand you, I want to believe in what you're saying. But how can I deal with all of these when I am too hurt to even think rationally? I am giving the floor to you. If you really want need me in your life, I guess you should do your part. And I'll do mine.

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Running away is never a solution. . .

I've been sick for 3 days and it feels like I'm trying to escape from my so-called "school responsibilities." Good or bad? Thumbs up or down? Yay or nyay? 

One thing's for sure: I didn't want this in the first place. Who would want this fucking amoebiasis? :( And now I have already missed 2 lessons from my major subject. And I swore that the moment I feel better, real better, I'd really work hard on what I've missed. No more excuses, no more trying to run away from this fuckin' situation. :|

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I needed to spill this out, so yeah.

May 4, 2012. This day has been so complicated, weird, and wonderful at the same time. It's been twisted and turned, making my mood swing back and forth. (Uhh, yeah. Whatever.)

I woke up this morning with a confused mind. I was feeling unsure of what day it is, making me ask myself if I have a class today. And snap, it's 8:15 and I realized that I need to move like a ninja (again) just to make it to my 10AM class. Luckily, fate was being kind to me. I arrived just on time. Relieved... But yeah, my day just didn't start right... 

During our ASTAT class, our professor announced that the makeup class for tomorrow (which is technically today) will pursue, same time, same room. New topics will be discussed and a seat work will be given. This turned out to be an unfavorable event for me.... because I'll be having another makeup class too and the schedules are conflicting. As much as I wanted not to miss any class discussion, I'm being left with no other choice but to go for my law class. This upsets me... because I enjoy ASTAT class more. 

With a broken heart, I was actually anticipating that my boyfriend will be able to comfort me (through his mere presence) by the time he fetches me in school. Unfortunately, when I checked my phone, he left me a message saying that he couldn't make it, so we just have to meet somewhere else. So... I have to go there alone. And yes, just when I thought things might actually go better, they become even worse.

I freaked out, that particular moment when you're in a public place and you just wanted to rant and cry. Maybe it's because my expectations ruin the reality. Yes, because if hadn't expected anything, nothing would be ruined anyway. But maybe, it isn't just that.

So I was really having a bad day, and I'm no longer in the mood to meet him. Besides, he's with his sister & his cousins, too. I don't wanna face them with my oh-so-unpleasant attitude because I'm too upset as of that moment. So I stayed at school for an hour or so, trying to calm myself down. I asked for my friends comfort & I told them what's been happening to me. Luckily, my best friend has been tough on her advice and I thank her for that.

So I looked for a quiet place where I could make myself feel better. I tried to study, but my heart is just so bothered and confused, that my mind refuses to function well. So instead of pushing myself to read, I held my pen and  wrote down what I wanted to say to him at that moment. I came up with a brief statement, yet after re-reading it, I felt lighter. After some time, I decided to go. 

And I'm grateful that I did. My day turned better in so many ways. I dunno. Being with him just felt so right again. And meeting those people who are close to his heart just made it better. I'm not quite sure if they liked me, though. I'm bad at socializing with people. :( But anyway, I like him when he's with them... next to how much I like him when he's with me. 

But my day doesn't end there. My heart has been broken by the fact that a close friend (best friend) of mine is feeling bad bout how our friends tend to ignore our invitation for her mom's birthday celebration. I could feel her so much because I know how it feels to exert much effort for others but you get nothing in return. I guess I'm not supposed to spill this one here, so I won't go with the details anymore.

What made this day end just right is his phone call. And by then I realized how the barriers I've put up before are being crashed down. I'm afraid to be someone who's so clingy, again. I'm scared to go through so much pain because of being too attached to someone. But then again, I guess it's too late to back out now. I have one choice left - and that is to be fearless. To feel terrified, yet to have the courage to jump into it anyway. Taylor Swift taught me this.

PS. God has handled my day too well. He haven't deserted me. He stayed with me and He worked on His miracles for me. It isn't actually fate's will for my day to turn better, it's His. :)

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Strawberry & Choc mint ♥

Gelatissimo Choc mint & Strawberry @ Trinoma

Yay! My first time to try this one. Hihi. :") So last Friday, my HS bestfriends and I went out for a movie date. Luckily, the tickets we had included a free scoop when we buy one @ Gelatissimo. We never wanted to waste that, so we availed that freebie after watching The Avengers. 

After finishing half of each, my tummy felt really satisfied already. I never knew that was that heavy for tumtum. :( And yeah. The strawberry's a bit sour, but I loved it anyway.

 Not a waste of money, indeed. ♥

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A Date with Beloved Self ♥

Chatime's Strawberry and Kiwifruit Juice

El Pollo Loco's Chicken Taco

This is how I try to make myself feel better every time I'm having a bad day. Well honestly, I wasn't that satisfied with El Pollo Loco's chicken taco. 'twas too plain. I'd prefer their soft chicken taco than this one. :( At least Chatime didn't disappoint me. I loved my juice. :")

Cheer up, little girl! You've got your treat for today. And yes, I've been dating with myself since yesterday. :)

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Grilled Chicken Taco Salad ♥

@ Mexicali, SM Mall of Asia

04/25/12. I actually went here because I was craving for tacos. But seeing their menu made me think if I should have quesadilla, burrito, tacos (of course), or this salad. But my mood's so off and I just wanted to have something new. So I chose to order this for my brunch, and yes, the moment it was served to me, its aroma made my tummy feel so excited to be filled. 

Trying something you've never had before is sometimes a risk. You might like it, feel neutral 'bout it, or worst, regret choosing it. You made me happy today, Grilled Chicken Taco Salad. :)

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19th ♥

Had my birthday celebration twice with my awesome college friends. :") Thanks for all the surprises and for the time and effort you've exerted just to make me happy. I love you all! :)

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Mom, Dad, This One's for You. :)

It's been almost a year since I've made the decision to leave DLSU for San Beda College. It wasn't an easy choice, but now I could see that it is indeed worth it...

Being a Dean's Lister is a great feeling, but being one of those who belonged on top of the list is more than what anyone could really ask for. God knows how grateful I am for all the blessings that He has given me. He has made me see the beauty in every heartbreak and made me realize that there's always a reason for everything. 

But this is not where it ends. The qualifying exam for Accountancy students last March 28 marked another uncertain point in my life. The traumatic experience I had the previous year motivated and frightened me at the same time. I was motivated to do my best, but felt too frightened that this would lead to another failure. After a week of waiting, the results were out. And again, He gave me more than what I've asked for. I passed the PAPAT (Professional Accountancy Program Admissions Test) and luckily made it to Top 5. (Thank you Sir Alajar for being such an excellent mentor! :) Same with Sir Sampaga who reviewed us days befores the exam. :) )

(c) Photo taken from the one who posted this in our JPIA group

These things He has given me, I lift up back to Him. And of course, this is my way of thanking my parents for everything they've sacrificed for me. Aside from having the self-fulfillment, these things meant more to me because these have made my parents happy and proud. They deserve these things more than I do. I love you, mom and dad. All of these is for you. :)

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Uhhh, ehhh, hello? :*

MEH. I dunno why ayum doing this, but yeah, I just wanna make you feel special... and I want you to know that I am a PROUD GIRLFRIEND too! Because I have you. :( 

So... hello Mr. Marvin Carandang, happy 1/12versary (uhh, sayo galing yan diba? :P). :") I don't want this post to be so cheeeeeeessssssyyyyy and I just wanna make it brief. Sobrang nacoconscious kasi ako sa grammar pag ikaw kausap ko. :| =)) THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL. :( But meh, whatever, I love you. And I know you love me too. :*

Months ago, I blogged something 'bout myself not being romantically loved and how I actually set that matter aside. That post proves that I never really saw someone like you coming into my life and changing it in a blink of an eye. I remember telling myself how I don't want to believe in love anymore. I remember being so scared to become attached again because I know how vulnerable I can be in the process. I remember telling my friends that I don't wanna be involved in any serious relationship yet. I remember how I used to hold back for the fear of being hurt again. . . but you were just so consistent that you were able to make me fall through the efforts you've shown. You were so persistent that even though it annoyed me at first, you managed to make me feel special and loved again. (Sometimes I hate myself for being so easy to get, honestly. :| )

It has been too fast for us, don't you think? But now, I honestly don't care about it anymore. Love isn't being measured on how long two people take time to be officially together, anyway. And relationships last long not just because of a strong connection couples built before being committed to each other. I guess love is more of taking risks and not just waiting for a perfect time for everything. 

You've been asking me, ano bang nagustuhan ko sa'yo? Well, man, honestly? You're simply irresistible. No further explanation needed. And if you aren't satisfied yet with my answer, urghh, bahala ka na. :| :)) Hindi ko kasi alam paano ieexplain sayo yung mga bagay na nararamdaman nalang eh. And you know that I'm the kind of person who always runs out of words to say. :(

Anyway, thank you. For making me feel whole again. For being so patient to me especially when it comes to my immaturity and, well, my nerdy personality. Thank you for being an understanding and an open-minded boyfriend. Thanks for always being there. For making me feel so loved all the time. Pssssh. I LOVE YOU. :) And I want you to remember that. Don't ask me 'til when will I feel this way for you. What matters most is now. :*

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Sunday Vanity ♥

Each of us has our own way of feeling happy...

and these pictures explain what's mine. :) Hahaha! Well, I just love the vibes this Sunday gives me. Seems like each picture shows how girly I am. (Feeler.) Oh. Just a brief blogging for today. Still got a lot of things to do! Blame Saturday for making me feel so lazy. :( 

PS. And this week's something to look forward too. Date with college buddies, bonding, and a lot more! Exclude the paper works for school. :| Naaah. That ruins everything. :)) But yeah. We're keeping the positive vibes, right? ;)

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✔ Reality Check: Yes, I'm Feeling Great Again ;)

"How others see you is not important. How you see yourself means everything."

Hello to this little girl in the picture, who was fin'lly able to grow up. :) 

Well... I've been thinking about things lately, and it quite surprised me how fast time could pass by. It's also quite surprising to realize how I was able to feel so great again, after feeling so down. Reality check: I'm finally feeling better and whole again. And I owe this to those people who has always been here for me, to those who never failed to make me feel special. :) 

I have recovered. And this I have known last night, after a bonding/drinking session with some of my HS friends. I used to be a sober about things when I'm drunk/tipsy/whatever. Yet I was surprised myself to find out that I'm done being that little girl. I've grown up. I no longer feel the longing, the pain, the bitterness, whatever you may call it. All I can notice is this great feeling which I don't know how to describe. Hahaha! Well, anyway, don't you feel happy for me? I'm a living proof of someone who has been abandoned with no choice, yet after a few months, was able to redeem myself. Guess it's a matter of perspective, and making the right choices.

Let's all keep this optimism going! Negativity would lead us nowhere. ;)

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1st Typography ♥

I've been trying to figure out how this one works...

and I'm so glad that I finally learned how to make one! ♥ Thanks to this tutorial for being such a great help. :") It took me hours to finish this. It has a lot of imperfections and it is not like a professional artist's masterpiece, but I'm really feeling great for the outcome. :") Here's the original image, btw:

Comments? Criticisms? Suggestions? ♥

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Motivated, but not that inspired.

Today I shall not sleep and shall work hard for my ACC02 midterms exam tomorrow.

Nerd mode all day, all night til midnight. Motivated, but not inspired. Despite this fact, I believe that motivation is even more powerful and effective than the latter. So, here I go tonight. The battle has not ended yet, and never will it be. Now I'm even more determined to strive harder and do better. Who says I'm gonna give this up? :") 

A brief blog post to express how I feel. :) Blessed and grateful for being on the top 5 students who made it to the dean's list (for the whole Accounting dept.). I lift this up to Him, and to my parents who deserve this more than I do. But this is only the beginning. I'm still moving forward and fighting. Dreams, sooner or later, I will have you. ♥

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Five Years. ♥

Five years of friendship. And counting.

Sino mag-aakalang hanggang ngayon best friend parin kita? =)) Anyway, Marie Katherine Indiongco, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY! \;D/ Tayo'y magdiwang at dalaga ka na! (Teka, sa 21 ka pa magcecelebrate diba? :)) ) Anyway, Hayaan mong ilaan ko ang blog post na ito para sa iyo. (YES. TAGALOG. =)) )

This won't be a long post. Straight to the point 'to. Haha! Kayeng, you've been such a good friend ever since. Isa ka sa mga taong alam kong nanjan lang kahit hindi na tayo madalas magkita. Isa ka sa mga baliw kong kaibigan na alam kong matino pag matino nang usapan. Isa ka sa mga taong alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan ko forever. And yes, you are that friend that I'd always treasure no matter what. 

Actually, namimiss ko na pagiging OC mo! :)) HS years, remember? Mula sa locker, sa mga gamit mo, sa school works, at kung anu-ano pa. But the truth is, I miss you more. :") Alam mo naman kung gaano kita ka-love eh! Kailangan pa bang sabihin yun at iexplain? Hindi na diba? :D

So I'd take this opportunity to thank you for always choosing to stay. For being that best friend that I know I'll have for my entire existence. Thank you for the memories we've made together and for those that we are still about to have. Thank you for everything. For being that awesome friend na magccrack ng joke, magsshare ng random facts, magkkwento ng kung anu-ano, etc. You are indeed one of a kind. Hahaha. Sa ganda mong yan. ;DD

So Kayeng, I wish you all the best in everything. The best ka na eh, ano pang mahihiling ko sayo diba? :)) Ah! Sige. SIYA nalang. GETS MO NA DAPAT YAN. Hahaha. I love you Kaye! You know I'll always admire you for being so focused sa goals and studies mo. Jan kita idol eh. Haha! And I know na worth it lahat ng efforts and hard work mo ngayon. Keep the strength in you. GIRL POWER. :))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dearest Kayeng. I love you! Bonding soon with Erika and Bola. ♥

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2012, Bring It On!

(January 3, 2012 - 3:16 AM)
/ The last night I'd be falling apart. :') /

2011 has been a tough year, I shall say. And with that, I dare not say every single event that happened way back then. I've been trying to figure things out lately, and I've really been through a lot of reminiscing. I've been telling myself to do this, to do that, to leave this, to leave that, to forget this, and remember that. The last days before 2011 ended were filled with emotions at its highest and lowest points. Drama took over me, as I tend to be nostalgic of what I've lost and what I've been missing. But as the year ended, my life has been filled with so much happiness as I realized that despite everything, I'd always have the most unconditional love one can ever have - our parents' love for us.

But these nights are really begging me to fall apart. I am not at my best condition, I shall say. I still have these questions in my mind which are left unanswered. I still have these issues which are left unresolved. For the past few months, I've seen myself holding my head up high. I thought I was that strong, that I was able to get over things that easy. That I was able to wear those laughter and smiles like I haven't been broken. But I was wrong. I am still not over things, and I am still trying to mend my broken heart.

And now let me share to you what changed in me since that heart break. I used to believe in forever, in true love, in those romantic conversations. But now, I honestly don't get any point on their existence. Or maybe, I just could no longer see love (in a romantic sense) as something real, as something which could last forever. I could only see it now as an emotion. The one that isn't stable, the one that could change -- at any moment in time. Then, I've realized... that when someone ruined your so-called forever, it really becomes hard to trust anybody else again. This made me come up with a conclusion: that what I need is NOT a knight in shining armor, NOT even a prince charming NOR some sort of savior. What I need is someone who could make me realize that I am no longer broken, that I am no longer beyond repair. That I am as good as I was, even better, or even at my best.

.... That I am good enough. Even when I'm really not. I could never be good enough. I don't have the perfect package, as any guy would look for. Well, I am just myself. Imperfect, full of impurities, name them. Oh well, whatever. Enough for that self pity part.

I just wanna say that for now, I am bracing myself for a wonderful year. Because despite all the negativity on my mind today, I am moving forward. I know I'll make it through. I've got so much goals for myself and for my family, and that's where I am focusing now. I am not saying goodbye to the past, for I know I'd still refer to it in case I forgot what I've learned before. But I am not letting myself drown into these memories and sulk myself in depression just because I am not romantically loved now. I know what I need more. And I know what I have to let go of.

So 2012, BRING IT ON! ;D

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