Tuesday, March 22, 2016

She's a Paradox - or is She, Really?

"Why are you acting like this, over and over again?"
I asked myself.

"I don't know, either."
She answered.

I don't get her.

She's some self-centered bitch who likes attention, yet she's someone who can't stand being around a bunch of people.

She'd say she understands you, yet she will make you feel uncomfortable with who and how you are.

She'd try to hear you out, but when you're done talking, she'd start to point out everything that is wrong with what you have just said.

But she also says that she's willing to look past it. She says that as long as this makes you happy, it should not bother her that much.

She says that it's good, it's fine, it's nothing. But she betrays herself by feeling otherwise at the same time.

Why is she so complicated?

She doesn't deserve anyone. She ends up destroying them in the process of feeding herself. She's a self-centered monster. She knows it. She's aware of it. She doesn't enjoy it either... but she could not stop herself from doing it, over and over again.

See, that's what she is. That's how she is.

She'd cling so much to you that she'll suffocate you in the long run.
(I'm trying not to. I'm really trying so hard to beat this girl in my head.)

She'd drown you in her, she'd embrace you with what she thinks is love.
(Isn't this love?)

She'd poison you with tears, with shallow arguments, and unnecessary self-pitying drama.
(I know I'm stronger than this. I know I am.)

She'd drive you crazy for not understanding herself.
(I'm trying to, I swear.)

She's too strong, she can't even handle who she is.
(Am I? Can I?)

Or she's too weak, she doesn't know how to deal with it.
(I don't know what you're talking about anymore...)

But this girl is something.

Maybe, maybe not.

Oh god this is insane. What have I been doing?

Okay this isn't making any sense anymore.

You should start living your life instead.

I don't know...

I think it's just unfair for people to choose me, to choose self-destruction, to choose chaos.

Wait why are we talking about that again?

Aren't we done yet?

...