Tuesday, December 24, 2013

She's Nowhere to be Found

There's this girl that I used to know
We were once so close and insep'rable
But life's been cruel and things have changed...

Light as a feather, she's been blown away
The idea of her is the only thing that remained
But that isn't enough for her presence to be felt...

I wish I could bring her back, but I just couldn't
Because the path she's chosen is far from where I am
She's gone too far, and she's gone too soon
I tried to wait but I get tired too

I used to believe that it'll be easy
That she'll come back when she starts missing me
But what's happening now? Please tell me.

The girl that I used to know is no longer here
She wanted to be free so I let her be
Isn't that what real love is?

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Monday, August 26, 2013

Is Anybody Out There?

I need you to listen to me...

I'm tired. I feel like I can't make it anymore. Nakakapagod kasi alam kong may mali, pero hindi ko maitama. I wanted to go back, and tell my parents "Magsshift na lang po ako."

I could have been happier.

Monday, August 05, 2013

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Okay Lang Ako.

Siyempre ako nanaman yung may mali, yung may kasalanan. Napaka-unreasonable ko kasi, mababaw, at mahirap intindihin. Sorry ha? Hindi ko kasi kayang ipaliwanag nang maayos sarili ko. At tuwing susubukan ko naman, wala namang nakakaintindi sa'kin. Ayoko lang naman makaabala pa sa'yo. Ayokong magmukhang laging nakaasa sa'yo. Eh wala eh, sa kagustuhan kong mapabuti at makauwi nang safe nang mas mabilis at wala nang naaabalang iba pang tao, ako pa'rin yung wala sa lugar. Aminado naman ako na may mali ako eh. Na 'di ko napaalam agad sa'yo. Oo nga naman, may usapan tayo. Napatanga tuloy kita at napaghintay sa wala. 'di ko naman intensiyon 'yon eh. Ngarag lang talaga yung utak ko dahil hindi ko alam kung paano makakauwi at nung tinext naman kita, ang tagal bago mo ako nareplyan. Hihintayin pa ba kita sa ganong lagay? Malaki na ako eh, kaya ko nang dumiskarte sa sarili ko dapat. Kaya sinubukan kong tumayo sa sarili kong paa at nilakasan ko yung loob ko. 

Siyempre hindi mo nanaman ako maiintindihan. Malabo ako eh. Ikaw ba, ni minsan, hindi ka nawala sa sarili mo at dumating sa point na 'di mo na naisip na naghihintay din ako? 'Yung pakiramdam nung iniwan mo nalang ako bigla at nagtext ka na nauna ka na, at itext nalang kita kung nakauwi na ako? Na buong akala ko noong araw na 'yon eh may lakad pa tayo. Tapos kinagabihan sasabihin mo sa'kin na akala mo susunod ako sa'yo. Matapos mo akong sabihan na magtext nalang ako pag nasa bahay na ako? 

Hindi ko alam. Pinipilit din naman kitang intindihin. Pero ngayon, nakakapagod lang. 'Yung pakiramdam na hindi na kasi okay ang lahat sa ibang aspeto ng buhay ko tapos dadagdag ka pa. Hindi kita sinisisi pero nakakabigla lang talaga. Itutulog ko nalang 'to. 

Friday, July 19, 2013


Who will I be? What will I become? Where will I be working? Who am I gonna be with? 

Will the life I have chosen now bring me to the path that I ought to take? Or will it just make my journey go around the same circle? 
How will I be practicing my profession after graduating and passing the board exam? How will I be taking care of my own family while managing my career? 
Are the sacrifices that I am making now will be worth it in the future? Or will it just make me regret the chances that I should have had taken? 

The question “How do you see yourself in the next 10-15 years?” has always been catching me off-guard. It’s not that I do not have any plans for my future; it’s just that they aren’t that definite yet to be expressly described. 

The future scares me to the point that it makes me shrug off the idea of its existence and uncertainty. I want to cross the bridge when I get there . . . but how will I even get there without at least having a blueprint to guide me along the way? 

Or maybe I just want to take risks and decide impulsively.

But no, I don’t ever want to commit the same mistake again.

The next time I’d be making a big decision for myself, I’ll make sure that it would be something that I have really thought about. 

But sometimes it feels like it’s already too late to run away and change the direction that I am currently taking . . . just because I have already gone too far and it would hurt to simply give everything up. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Isn't It Ironic, Don't You Think?

Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

Isn’t ironic when you thought you’ve already had everything in control but, the next thing you know is that you’re already losing them? Isn’t ironic when you were able to get something you’ve badly wanted and not realizing its worth afterwards? Isn’t it ironic how life tests our strength and courage by making us feel weak and terrified? Isn’t it ironic how our failures eventually help us succeed in life? Isn’t it ironic that the one thing you loved the most has the greatest power to tear you down? Life, indeed, has a funny way of turning things around.

            When I first entered San Beda College, my life is partially whole and partially beyond repair. I was going through a rough time moving on from a failure I have just had from my previous school. I was in the process of putting myself back together and redeeming what I have lost. I was not completely shattered because I still have these special people supporting me in every decision I make. I was not completely broken because I still had my faith intact within me.

It only took me a year to finally feel better again. The journey has not been easy. I have lost some things I thought I never would, and I have gained some which I thought I will never have. But the irony of life haunts me back. Just when I was able to redeem myself, I have lost the most important thing I have held on to when I almost had nothing left with me. My faith crushed down, my performance downgraded, and I have forgotten who I was. My failure made me tough and my success made me fragile. After a year of hard work, there I went again, losing what I have just achieved and what I have just had.

 One academic year had passed since then. Life, for me, is more different now. I have learned to brace myself for whatever might happen next. I have decided to bring back the person I have lost within me. I have conditioned myself to be more prepared this time around. I have figured that in order to survive this game of life, I must be willing to sacrifice a lot.

Being an Accountancy student demands countless things from me - time, effort, patience, hard work and perseverance, to name a few. The irony is that even when I seem to give almost everything I could, I would still end screwing up. Once I get too complacent, I would start losing everything again. That’s when I figured that something has to change, that even though life can be absurd sometimes, you have to find ways to move forward. I could have just chosen to just let it go, give it up, and stop struggling to win it.

But I didn’t.

Because this is what I am fighting for and I know why it is worth it. The beauty, actually, is in the irony of life. Without it, I will never have to wonder and question why things turn out differently. Without questioning, I will never have to try to understand things in a deeper perspective.  Without trying, I will never get to where I want to be. And without getting there, I will never get to see the beauty of life’s irony. 

This essay was originally submitted as a requirement for Auditorial (The Official Publication of the Department of Accountancy&Taxation of San Beda College-Manila)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Hear me, dad.

I may sound sad while I'm talking to you, but that doesn't mean I'm sad because of you. I may sound upset while sharing something with you, but that doesn't mean I'm upset about you. The way I talk to you about my opinions isn't directly related on how I feel about you.

Yes, I get carried away by my emotions but that doesn't mean I am disrespecting you... 

Monday, May 13, 2013

Thursday, May 02, 2013

I Just . . .

I just don't want to be the one who would always ask you if you want to go out and have lunch/dinner together...

Sometimes I just want you to be the one asking me. I want to feel that you are also craving to spend time with me. That you also feel the need to be with me.

But most of the time it sucks to realize that I am this kind of girl. I am who I don't want myself to be...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Mentally Disoriented

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
I wish I never asked
I wish I never knew

Gullible and naive
Shallow and absurd
The argument is over
I'm never gonna win

Stepped with the wrong foot
Tripped by the other
Wounded by my choices
Damaged by accident

The past clouds my judgment
The present's filled with skepticism
Something's holding me back
But the future's pulling me through

Now the spotlight's on me
And I'm all that I can see
A step backward could make me regret
A step forward could make me upset

To leave and let go, or
To stay and perdure
A decision dependent on the other
A choice within another choice

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
Drowned in my introspection
Burned by my own disposition

Friday, April 12, 2013

Every Day by David Levithan - A Review

Every DayEvery Day by David Levithan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I'll go with the safe rating, 4/5.
I liked the book, yes. But it's driving me crazy. I still can't figure out how he was born that way, living and waking up as another person since birth. How was he even born? I mean, seriously? And the lives of these people he's been borrowing for a day.... won't everything be just screwed up for them for all the missed quizzes, and everything? (hahaha I'm sorry that was lame, but still.... their lives aren't A's and every time he changes their routine, isn't that a way of ruining their lives and relationships w/ other people as well? )


Most/some of us know how it is to be in a relationship, or how to be in love with someone at least. And whether we admit it or not, these persons will never be the same, every day. And so are we. But we love them. We still do love them. Maybe sometimes it's hard to figure out if we're staying just because of fear of being alone, fear of disrupting the arrangement of our current life, fear of uncertainty or just simply because there's a glint of hope within us that tomorrow things will be better. But we know that for this moment, we are willing to accept and this person even if we know that tomorrow, s/he could be a different person. I couldn't really get straight to the point but this book has just made me realize that despite the complications and uncertainties that our future may hold and our past have held, if our love is true, we'd be willing to take risks, whether it means letting go of something or holding on to it.

View all my reviews

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Giver by Lois Lowry - A review

The Giver (The Giver, #1)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Not everything under control is perfect. And every single thing could never be under anyone's control.

A society telling us what we must become, a society deciding what's best for us, a society trying to maintain balance in everything, a society which tells us what to hold on to and what we must let go of. We aren't living in this kind of society, or are we?

Are we prisoners of other people's choices for us? Do we really think that if we make other choices (other than those they've already planned for us), we'd be making the wrong one, and we'd be taking the wrong path?

Are we trapped in this kind of world as well? Do we still feel, see, and hear things beyond what our senses can grasp? Or do we simply no longer care about these things?

I find it hard to comment about this book because I feel like the way I've understood the story was quite too shallow compared to the actual message the author was trying to impose.

But I liked the book, I liked the way I understood it (uhh, maybe), even though the ending wasn't quite clear for me. What happened to the community he has left? Was their mission successful or what? The world that holds their future and past, what does it really imply? I don't know, I can't really tell. I'm still on the process of comprehending it further. Maybe I have yet to discover what's beyond the sentences that I've read, the pages that I've turned, the experiences of the characters that I've gone through. Maybe there's still more...

Of course, there will always be something more.

the author also posted this in: http://chapsandmustache.blogspot.com/

Monday, March 18, 2013

Never enough. Well, what's new with that?

Feeling motivated can never be enough. You've got to have the will to get things done.

It just sucks to realize that no matter how much I try to understand everything, no matter how much time I allot for me to accomplish these things, no matter how many things I've given up just to focus on these tasks at hand, I still end up feeling that my efforts aren't enough.

Because I know they aren't. I could still give a lot more, but I just didn't.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

At the end of the day...

Sometimes I feel like you're ignoring me on purpose.
Sometimes I feel like you don't care.
Sometimes I feel like you can't understand me.
Or maybe you just don't.

Every time I feel bad about the way you're treating me, I sometimes wonder if this is worth it. I tend to question myself if this is what I really want.

Guess what.

I always end up realizing that despite everything, I still love you and I still think that what we have is worth it and I still find myself saying, "This is what I want. Who I want. What I love. Who I love."

Maybe I was just overreacting. I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm complicated. And so are you. Our points of view clash. You find me unreasonable and shallow, I find you proud and arrogant. But despite these things, we still try to work things out. We try to fix what seems to be broken even though we know that the damage could not be undone...

I am too emotional and I am really difficult to deal with. I know that, honey. I do things you think I shouldn't, I overreact when you think you've done nothing wrong. I easily get jealous and upset. I can't get over with your past relationship(or relationships?). I ask for too much. I sometimes(always?) demand for your time and attention without considering that you also have other priorities to deal with. I complain about simple things, making them more complicated. But, I am.... the girl you've chosen to love.

And at the end of the day, when things go wrong and you complain about how shallow and unreasonable and sensitive I am, I wish you'd end up saying "Mahal ko siya eh," rather than just giving a gesture w/c shows disappointment and "I don't really wanna give a fuck anymore."

Maybe I just want to feel that even when you're upset, you're still on my side. And you're still choosing to stay.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

March 09, 2013


Here's to a day well-spent with my boyfriend :")

One year down, and for now we'll take it as far as we could go. I love you so much, baby :* I'm sorry kung na-didisappoint kita most of the time. I may not be the type of person who would always know the right things to say, but I am sure that I am that person who would always be willing to stay with you through the good times and the bad. You're one of the best things that I have right now, and I don't want to lose you for some stupid and shallow reasons. Thank you for always being there for me despite everything I've put you through. Mahal kita, sanggol :p :*

~ euni ♥

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Because Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough...

Despite everything we have now, we will always have the tendency to "crave" for something we don't have. 

No matter how much we try to be just the best for the persons we love, we just can never be enough for them.

We love them, they love us back... We are blinded by this love that we have learned to believe that despite our insecurities and flaws, they truly feel something real for us. Yes, it may be real, but that doesn't give us the assurance that nothing's gonna change. One day, they could make us feel we're all they've ever wanted. Then the next day, all they could make us feel is that we're just a part of the "Pleasure Puzzle."

Maybe the thing is, I am insecure. I don't have everything you'd love to get from a girl. Most of the time I am too jealous, too clingy. I know you're getting tired of the drama and stuff. But I love you. And it just hurts to see that despite everything, I still can never be enough for you. I still can never be "that girl" for you. 

You'll always be hungry for the thing I couldn't give you, the thing that only other girls could make you feel satisfied...

Maybe I'm wrong for trying to figure something I would never want to know because I just ended up hurting myself. But would I let myself become an ignorant and a fool for believing everything you're trying to make me see while trying to hide some things like you're cheating on me?

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

You say...

You say it's okay, when in fact it's not. You say you aren't expecting, when the truth is, you are. And you have to keep these all to yourself because you don't want to look desperate for his attention, for his presence. But you know to yourself how much it kills you inside. :)