It's the little things

For the weekends well-spent, and hours that will forever be cherished ❤

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Marshall is to Lily; Marv is to Euni

Braced myself for the goodbye

'cause that's all I've ever known

Then you took me by surprise

You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

Mine, Taylor Swift

To the person who restored my faith in everything I never thought I'd believe in again, to the person who I actually never expected I'd fall hardly in love with, to the person who managed to make me feel whole, adored, and well-appreciated, to the person who could deal with me through my best and my worst, to the person who has always been more passionate about the things I've been wanting to do and the person I've been dying to become, to the person who has seen me through all my strengths, pretensions, and weaknesses: I could never thank you enough for standing by my side and for always choosing to stay. Together we'll face our monsters, fears, and Octobers. I love you, my favarrite eunimouse hunter. :*  

P.S. Happy 3 and 2/3 ♥

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P l e a s e

All I know is I’m scared and I do not want us to end.

All I could feel is pain. Then numbness. Then pain again.

Why does this always happen to me?

I feel too broken to be happy right now, and only you can make things alright. Please come back. Please give me an assurance that you will. Can't we just fast forward to when we'll be totally okay again? 

I can't understand what I am feeling right now. I know I'm not mad. Not to you. Maybe I'm mad at myself. I'm partly shattered. I'm hurt. I'm confused at what's happening with you, with us. I feel so unsecured with all these threats around us. I do not know the why's, the how's, not even the what's. What happened to us? Where am I right now? Where are you right now? Where are we going right now? 

Please be okay again. Please say you'll still want me after the time that you need. Please say that we'll still make it work. Please still choose to stay. Please still choose me. Us. Please still choose the future we've been building through the years. Please don't run away alone. Run away with me.

Please don't let me go.

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What Happened?

I'll tell them about us
I'll tell them about you
I'll tell them about the persons we were
     The persons we could have been
     And the persons we turned out to be

They'll ask me what now
They'll ask me where you are
They'll ask me what happened to us
      To everything we have planned
      And to those broken dreams and hearts

I'll tell them it just ended
I'll tell them there's nothing to worry about
I'll tell them that's just how things are
      Then they'll stop asking
      But I am hoping you won't

(euni bree)

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/Pride/ Games

/Her

"Thank you for not letting me know early,

For keeping me waiting for hours."

/Him

"Alright, you're welcome."

He's mad and exhausted

She's tired and hurt;

He's had a bad day

She's been on her worst week, yet;

He's clueless on how she feels

She's done taking in all the negatives;

And now they won't talk for days

For some petty 'argument'

I am telling a story of a boy who loves girl,

And a girl who does love him back;

But he goes on with his life, and so does she

Wondering when they'll get each other back...

/Her

I just wanted an apology

I just hoped he let me know early

/Him

I need to cool down...

*shuts the world off her*

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Let Me Be

You cannot decipher what I need

Well, I cannot, either —

Are we falling apart

Or is it just me?

Or is it the longing that just won’t let me be?

iamcptvtdbyyou

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Emotionally Exhausted

One moment everything seems so perfect and then everything feels like crap. I don't know where to place myself, where to stand, where to even look at things in order to understand them in a different perspective. It's just too tiring to deal with myself, to deal with people, to try to make them understand, or to even care. I just don't feel like I'm being valued just as much as I think I deserve to be. I don't think I'm being understood the way I needed people to understand me. I feel so lost, so helpless, so fragile. Why do I feel like I've been forcing myself to be someone so significant to others when in fact I'm really not? People will just keep on pushing you away without even exerting much effort. After all the things you've done to deal with their bullshit, they'd still be lost in how they'd be treating you back. I don't even think you're getting me. That you're paying much attention to know who I am, what I want, what I need. You're just there, and you're just simply there. Instead of trying to pull me closer, you push me away. Instead of trying to make me feel better, you simply distant yourself. You run away, you escape. You hate confrontations, you hate me whenever I'm trying to speak myself up. Maybe because I speak nonsense, I speak so shallow, I speak with so much emotions. Or maybe we're all just tired of everything.

I just don't know. I just don't understand. Why is it so difficult to handle too much things at one time? Last week has been a long, tough week. I made it then. I don't know if I could still make it now. 

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11:54 - just because I couldn't think of anything better to type in here

I think I've been really selfish and that I've been putting all the blame on you when you have been so patient in dealing with me and my irrationality. I'm too fed up, I get too emotional, and I am blowing everything on you. I am sorry.

I think I've been pushing you away every time you try to reach out to me. I don't know what I am up to, I don't know why am I acting that way, but really, I don't really understand myself too.

I'm tired of all the drama but I always end up making one. I'm sick of all the nonsense arguments but it seems like I'm the only one initiating a fight. I understand that you got tired of me, that you gave up in trying to understand me and my selfish ways. I get tired of myself too, most of the time.

I'm sorry if I make you feel unappreciated, I'm sorry if I keep on acting like this. Maybe I just don't know how to handle myself the way you do. I'm sorry if I act too dependent sometimes, I'm sorry if I don't know what else to say. This baggage is just too heavy that I needed to do something to let it out.

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Okay Lang Ako.

Siyempre ako nanaman yung may mali, yung may kasalanan. Napaka-unreasonable ko kasi, mababaw, at mahirap intindihin. Sorry ha? Hindi ko kasi kayang ipaliwanag nang maayos sarili ko. At tuwing susubukan ko naman, wala namang nakakaintindi sa'kin. Ayoko lang naman makaabala pa sa'yo. Ayokong magmukhang laging nakaasa sa'yo. Eh wala eh, sa kagustuhan kong mapabuti at makauwi nang safe nang mas mabilis at wala nang naaabalang iba pang tao, ako pa'rin yung wala sa lugar. Aminado naman ako na may mali ako eh. Na 'di ko napaalam agad sa'yo. Oo nga naman, may usapan tayo. Napatanga tuloy kita at napaghintay sa wala. 'di ko naman intensiyon 'yon eh. Ngarag lang talaga yung utak ko dahil hindi ko alam kung paano makakauwi at nung tinext naman kita, ang tagal bago mo ako nareplyan. Hihintayin pa ba kita sa ganong lagay? Malaki na ako eh, kaya ko nang dumiskarte sa sarili ko dapat. Kaya sinubukan kong tumayo sa sarili kong paa at nilakasan ko yung loob ko. 

Siyempre hindi mo nanaman ako maiintindihan. Malabo ako eh. Ikaw ba, ni minsan, hindi ka nawala sa sarili mo at dumating sa point na 'di mo na naisip na naghihintay din ako? 'Yung pakiramdam nung iniwan mo nalang ako bigla at nagtext ka na nauna ka na, at itext nalang kita kung nakauwi na ako? Na buong akala ko noong araw na 'yon eh may lakad pa tayo. Tapos kinagabihan sasabihin mo sa'kin na akala mo susunod ako sa'yo. Matapos mo akong sabihan na magtext nalang ako pag nasa bahay na ako? 

Hindi ko alam. Pinipilit din naman kitang intindihin. Pero ngayon, nakakapagod lang. 'Yung pakiramdam na hindi na kasi okay ang lahat sa ibang aspeto ng buhay ko tapos dadagdag ka pa. Hindi kita sinisisi pero nakakabigla lang talaga. Itutulog ko nalang 'to. 

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I can never be that girl...

I can never be that girl you'll admire and love for how I look. I don't know why it matters, but it just does. Maybe because I can never be her. Or I can never be the person I want myself to be.... in the eyes of other people.

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Mentally Disoriented

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
I wish I never asked
I wish I never knew

Gullible and naive
Shallow and absurd
The argument is over
I'm never gonna win

Stepped with the wrong foot
Tripped by the other
Wounded by my choices
Damaged by accident

The past clouds my judgment
The present's filled with skepticism
Something's holding me back
But the future's pulling me through

Now the spotlight's on me
And I'm all that I can see
A step backward could make me regret
A step forward could make me upset

To leave and let go, or
To stay and perdure
A decision dependent on the other
A choice within another choice

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
Drowned in my introspection
Burned by my own disposition

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At the end of the day...

Sometimes I feel like you're ignoring me on purpose.

Sometimes I feel like you don't care.

Sometimes I feel like you can't understand me.

Or maybe you just don't.

Every time I feel bad about the way you're treating me, I sometimes wonder if this is worth it. I tend to question myself if this is what I really want.

Guess what.

I always end up realizing that despite everything, I still love you and I still think that what we have is worth it and I still find myself saying, "This is what I want. Who I want. What I love. Who I love."

Maybe I was just overreacting. I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm complicated. And so are you. Our points of view clash. You find me unreasonable and shallow, I find you proud and arrogant. But despite these things, we still try to work things out. We try to fix what seems to be broken even though we know that the damage could not be undone...

I am too emotional and I am really difficult to deal with. I know that, honey. I do things you think I shouldn't, I overreact when you think you've done nothing wrong. I easily get jealous and upset. I can't get over with your past relationship(or relationships?). I ask for too much. I sometimes(always?) demand for your time and attention without considering that you also have other priorities to deal with. I complain about simple things, making them more complicated. But, I am.... the girl you've chosen to love.

And at the end of the day, when things go wrong and you complain about how shallow and unreasonable and sensitive I am, I wish you'd end up saying "Mahal ko siya eh," rather than just giving a gesture w/c shows disappointment and "I don't really wanna give a fuck anymore."

Maybe I just want to feel that even when you're upset, you're still on my side. And you're still choosing to stay.

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March 09, 2013

http://instagram.com/p/WqVg-jxtfD/

Here's to a day well-spent with my boyfriend :")

One year down, and for now we'll take it as far as we could go. I love you so much, baby :* I'm sorry kung na-didisappoint kita most of the time. I may not be the type of person who would always know the right things to say, but I am sure that I am that person who would always be willing to stay with you through the good times and the bad. You're one of the best things that I have right now, and I don't want to lose you for some stupid and shallow reasons. Thank you for always being there for me despite everything I've put you through. Mahal kita, sanggol :p :*

~ euni ♥

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You know when love truly sucks?

It's when you tried to give your best to them and yet they keep on looking for something from someone else.

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Because Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough...

Despite everything we have now, we will always have the tendency to "crave" for something we don't have. 

No matter how much we try to be just the best for the persons we love, we just can never be enough for them.

We love them, they love us back... We are blinded by this love that we have learned to believe that despite our insecurities and flaws, they truly feel something real for us. Yes, it may be real, but that doesn't give us the assurance that nothing's gonna change. One day, they could make us feel we're all they've ever wanted. Then the next day, all they could make us feel is that we're just a part of the "Pleasure Puzzle."

Maybe the thing is, I am insecure. I don't have everything you'd love to get from a girl. Most of the time I am too jealous, too clingy. I know you're getting tired of the drama and stuff. But I love you. And it just hurts to see that despite everything, I still can never be enough for you. I still can never be "that girl" for you. 

You'll always be hungry for the thing I couldn't give you, the thing that only other girls could make you feel satisfied...


Maybe I'm wrong for trying to figure something I would never want to know because I just ended up hurting myself. But would I let myself become an ignorant and a fool for believing everything you're trying to make me see while trying to hide some things like you're cheating on me?

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You say...

You say it's okay, when in fact it's not. You say you aren't expecting, when the truth is, you are. And you have to keep these all to yourself because you don't want to look desperate for his attention, for his presence. But you know to yourself how much it kills you inside. :)

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Done asking for more?

I'm already done asking for more. If you won't give me enough to make me feel special, then it's up to you. I've learned how expectations hurt, and I don't wanna feel disappointments anymore. I'll accept what you give, and we'll be playing fair. :)

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Because you always make sense and I don't. Because you aren't shallow and I am.

And I sometimes wonder how would it be like when I stopped caring too much. When I finally became the person who doesn't give a damn about every little thing. Would it make you feel better or worse? 

Girls have a habit of being too paranoid about little things and guys easily get annoyed about it. But maybe, we just have our own way of showing how we'd like you to care for us. Maybe we're scared for you to get tired of our drama, yet too stubborn to do something 'bout it. But believe me, we're trying. Our emotions are just too strong that we can't handle it right most of the time. Just as you find it hard to manage your anger when you feel tired of dealing with us.

Yes sometimes we're shallow, and we don't make sense. We find it hard to explain ourselves in a way that you'll understand us. We find it hard to tell you that we've only acted/felt that way because we're too afraid of what could possibly happen next. And then the next thing we know, you've already shut yourselves off from us. 

You don't understand how long the things you've said could stay in our minds. We don't understand it too. You try to tell us to get over them because these should stay in the past, and believe me, we really try so hard to do as you say. But we always tend to look back and remember how it felt before. We always tend to bring those things up again because these have become part of who we are now. These things play a crucial role on how we try to understand you and ourselves and on how we deal with the relationship we have. And we'll ask ourselves, is this a good thing or not? 

Little things matter. And I realized that they could either build a great thing up or destroy one. I hope I'll soon find a way to finally let these insecurities and past issues go. I wouldn't want to destroy myself...

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Late Monday Morning Thoughts

You are my lover and my sweetest man

Acting weird around you is just so much fun.

No one has ever made me feel this way

So I'm not letting go, I'm here to stay.

What's up with these words that seem to rhyme?

Oh I don't know baby, they just popped on my mind.

I guess I just simply wanted to let you know

That I'm thinking of you and I'm missing you so.

PS This is really a random post and I didn't actually intend to write a very short "poem" or whatever. So yeah. Good morning! :)  

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Why is everything so confusing?

Words. Words. Words. What do I want to say? What do I want to hear? What do I want to listen to? What do I want to conceal? But really, of all these desires, what do I need?

We're living in a world where we aim to please, as they say. But does this justify the lies we utter in order to please others? Does this justify the pain after knowing we have just been fooled by these words? I don't know. I can't tell. I'm confused, too. 

Why do people have to tell us one thing then take it back? Why do they have to fill our minds with so much hope and promises then leave us hanging afterwards? Why is it so hard to understand what's real and what's not? Why are words so complicated to decipher and figure out? 

It makes me sad and confused, and it hurts. I am emotionally drained from everything. Why do I have to believe one thing and figure out another? And suddenly, they're taking back what you just figured out, saying that what you've been believing is the one that's true. Oh God, I am too tired.

Our mood affects the words we express. You say you were upset, and that made you say those things. But for how long are we going to keep this up? I want to understand you, I want to believe in what you're saying. But how can I deal with all of these when I am too hurt to even think rationally? I am giving the floor to you. If you really want need me in your life, I guess you should do your part. And I'll do mine.

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