Dear Self

Tomorrow marks the beginning of your second journey as a reviewee. I know it hurts that you did not make it at first, but it has been over for quite a while already and you have to move forward. You have to start again to redeem yourself.

You can do it, so don't be afraid of the challenges ahead. You have always been strong enough, and you'll only gain more strength as the days pass by. So keep going and keep fighting.

Be the person you have always been dreaming about.

Be the achiever you are, and have always been.

Make things happen. Turn your dreams into reality.

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Marshall is to Lily; Marv is to Euni

Braced myself for the goodbye

'cause that's all I've ever known

Then you took me by surprise

You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

Mine, Taylor Swift

To the person who restored my faith in everything I never thought I'd believe in again, to the person who I actually never expected I'd fall hardly in love with, to the person who managed to make me feel whole, adored, and well-appreciated, to the person who could deal with me through my best and my worst, to the person who has always been more passionate about the things I've been wanting to do and the person I've been dying to become, to the person who has seen me through all my strengths, pretensions, and weaknesses: I could never thank you enough for standing by my side and for always choosing to stay. Together we'll face our monsters, fears, and Octobers. I love you, my favarrite eunimouse hunter. :*  

P.S. Happy 3 and 2/3 ♥

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Purple Planner, No More

CBTL, MOA

Hi, I'm Eunice, and I'm typically a shallow person who would prefer buying something purple over something practical.

For the years 2014 and 2015, my planners have been from CBTL - first, because it's purple, and second, I really find their planners worth investing into. However, this year, when I got a closer look at their 2016 Giving Journal, I felt disappointed. It actually got me questioning, "What's the difference between your 2015 and 2016 Journal?" Well, aside from the colors, the dotted page turned into a page of grid lines, and the dates, I can say that nothing much has changed. The material used for the cover of their 2015 planner seems to be the same as the one used for 2016's. The layout inside seemed to have just undergone minor edits - change the background, make it plain and simple, add some touch of creativity, and tadaaa, there goes our 2016 journal. I have nothing against CBTL, maybe I just had expected a lot. Innovation is good, and I don't think I've seen a lot of it this time. 

So yep, for a girl who would usually choose something purple over anything else, I think I'm saying no to the purple 2016 planner of CBTL.

(For those who had a different planner for 2015, I still think that you should try CBTL's journal. Don't let this post discourage you from getting yours. ;) )

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'tis that Time of the Year

Chocolate Crepe Cake

Toffee Nut Frappe, Grande

Starbucks Christmas Traditions Promo Card

The holiday featured beverages are back, and I just began collecting my stickers for the 2016 Starbucks planner. So, hello again, longer lines, but yay for a bigger variety of food and drinks.

For dessert, I am personally recommending Sb's Chocolate Crepe Cake because as of now, it's my own definition of heaven. ;) 

PS Still thinking whether I should get the white or the green planner. HOW DOES ONE DECIDE WHICH IS WHICH???

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P l e a s e

All I know is I’m scared and I do not want us to end.

All I could feel is pain. Then numbness. Then pain again.

Why does this always happen to me?

I feel too broken to be happy right now, and only you can make things alright. Please come back. Please give me an assurance that you will. Can't we just fast forward to when we'll be totally okay again? 

I can't understand what I am feeling right now. I know I'm not mad. Not to you. Maybe I'm mad at myself. I'm partly shattered. I'm hurt. I'm confused at what's happening with you, with us. I feel so unsecured with all these threats around us. I do not know the why's, the how's, not even the what's. What happened to us? Where am I right now? Where are you right now? Where are we going right now? 

Please be okay again. Please say you'll still want me after the time that you need. Please say that we'll still make it work. Please still choose to stay. Please still choose me. Us. Please still choose the future we've been building through the years. Please don't run away alone. Run away with me.

Please don't let me go.

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F r a g i l e

You told me that you can see through my eyes, and I believed you could. You told me that you will never go cold, and I believed in you. You told me that love’s as fragile as an unattended glass, but ours is not the same as such. You told me that we’ll make it through… but now all I could see was how I have easily been fooled by you. (euni bree)

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What Happened?

I'll tell them about us
I'll tell them about you
I'll tell them about the persons we were
     The persons we could have been
     And the persons we turned out to be

They'll ask me what now
They'll ask me where you are
They'll ask me what happened to us
      To everything we have planned
      And to those broken dreams and hearts

I'll tell them it just ended
I'll tell them there's nothing to worry about
I'll tell them that's just how things are
      Then they'll stop asking
      But I am hoping you won't

(euni bree)

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From a Desire to Fit in, to an Urge to Stand out

Back when I was in high school, all I wanted was to fit in. I was surrounded by people who talked about their firsts, their crushes, their boyfriends/girlfriends, and all these things that make you giddy when you're at your puberty.

I entered DLSU with the same frustrations, desires, and aspirations. I wanted to be accepted by many at the expense of not being 100% true to myself. Maybe I was too focused at the wrong things during that time. Maybe that was a whole year when all I wanted was to feel loved, to explore, to experience my firsts, and to mildly rebel from who I was.

It was in San Beda College where I decided that something is not right and something has to change. I have never enjoyed blending in -- it makes me just a part of a circle where I don't even belong in. It was then that the urge to stand out consumed my soul. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be who and how I am without needing to compromise with the demands and pressure of other people. It was then that I figured that it is okay to be weird and to be different. After all, I do not need to please anyone but myself.

It took time to figure out the things I never knew about myself. They were all buried in the deepest of my being that I never thought even existed. Spending more time alone made me see how much I enjoy my own company more than being with people who barely even understand who I am. I am a complicated person, I realized.

The thing is, we all have our different ways to discover who we are. Some people would need to distant themselves from others, while some would need to get along with many for them to find who they are. So if you are lost, confused, or baffled, take a step back. Where do you find yourself standing in a crowd full of strangers? Where would you be heading in a journey you have never been into? Who do you find yourself with in a deserted area? Are you comfortable being who you think you are around your so-called friends?

Some will find it easy to discover who they are. Some will get lost in the process. The important thing is you do not give up on yourself. You are your best company. You are who you are, and who you want yourself to be.

(edited version @ http://brewyourbestyear.com/articles/from-a-desire-to-fit-in-an-urge-to-stand-out/)

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KEEP GOING.

There will be times when you feel like giving up -- don't let it consume you. Keep going. Keep moving. Change something.

It is now or never, always remind yourself.

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Excuse me, too

So I read an article (http://www.examiner.com/article/dad-s-reply-to-school-on-kids-absence-is-best-response-ever) about a father's insight with regards to the absence of his kids in class. I am part of those kids who don't get to be excused for a family trip, special gathering, or just for the sake of going out with my family. I am one of those who would /ab/normally choose going to SCHOOL over anything else. I grew up seeing these universities and colleges as my primary source of learning and being absent would mean MISSING A LOT from the day's lessons. I never knew what it was like to be told, "Child, forget about school for a day or two. We are going somewhere else and you will love it there!" So what is my normal reaction when people say that they have been absent because they went here and they have seen blah blah blah? I feel bad for them because they missed school and they have parents who think that these trips are even more valuable than what they are paying for in school...

Until now.

I realize that I actually envy these people for being able to experience the world as young as they are. That they are rich, financially and experience-wise. That I am now feeling all this wanderlust in my blood because I never get to explore the world and I am already 22. Some people my age are already going to different places, investing on experiences that makes them who they are.

And here I am. Lost? Confused? Nah. Mostly stuck at where I am -- accepting the fact that not getting all these things today doesn't mean that I can no longer make these things happen. Maybe what I need are still not with me right now: money, timing, and the right shoes to take me there.

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Stranger

STRANGER

Euni Bree

3/3/2015

The songs you did not sing

The words you did not say

The promises you did not mean

Where did it all go?

The life you took away

The voice you buried underground

The face I used to know

Who have you become?

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Do Not Suck at It

I see a lot of people struggling to do something they claim to love, yet they are not improving on whatever that is. Don't let yourself get stuck on that same page. Loving something does not equate to getting better at it. Strive to be better, crave to learn, and transform those desires into reality. It is the only way you could see yourself achieving something that you enjoy doing. Do yourself a favor, do not suck at it.

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#HUGOT

Lesson for the day:

Masakit madapa at masugatan, lalo na kung dahil medyo hindi ka lang naging maingat. Sabi nga nila, ang importante ay bumangon ka, tumawa ka, tinanggap mong sadyang "careless" ka lang minsan.

Pero at the end of the day, mahapdi pa rin yung sugat na natamo mo. Pansamantala mo mang tinakpan ng bandaid hanggang maghilom ito.

So does the pain go away? Yes, eventually.

But you get to live with it first until you realize that it hurts no more.

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Terrified/

All these feels and irrational thoughts that I need to shake off my mind.... Why? How? When? What now?

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The Bad Habit

She feels unpretty

She's covered with lies

Bloated with insecurities

Trapped inside a thousand sighs;

Fed up.

Tired.

Sick of every one else.

She's back with her bad habits

Indulging in sweets

And what would make her feel better?

Vomitting all these. . .

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