From a Desire to Fit in, to an Urge to Stand out

Back when I was in high school, all I wanted was to fit in. I was surrounded by people who talked about their firsts, their crushes, their boyfriends/girlfriends, and all these things that make you giddy when you're at your puberty.

I entered DLSU with the same frustrations, desires, and aspirations. I wanted to be accepted by many at the expense of not being 100% true to myself. Maybe I was too focused at the wrong things during that time. Maybe that was a whole year when all I wanted was to feel loved, to explore, to experience my firsts, and to mildly rebel from who I was.

It was in San Beda College where I decided that something is not right and something has to change. I have never enjoyed blending in -- it makes me just a part of a circle where I don't even belong in. It was then that the urge to stand out consumed my soul. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be who and how I am without needing to compromise with the demands and pressure of other people. It was then that I figured that it is okay to be weird and to be different. After all, I do not need to please anyone but myself.

It took time to figure out the things I never knew about myself. They were all buried in the deepest of my being that I never thought even existed. Spending more time alone made me see how much I enjoy my own company more than being with people who barely even understand who I am. I am a complicated person, I realized.

The thing is, we all have our different ways to discover who we are. Some people would need to distant themselves from others, while some would need to get along with many for them to find who they are. So if you are lost, confused, or baffled, take a step back. Where do you find yourself standing in a crowd full of strangers? Where would you be heading in a journey you have never been into? Who do you find yourself with in a deserted area? Are you comfortable being who you think you are around your so-called friends?

Some will find it easy to discover who they are. Some will get lost in the process. The important thing is you do not give up on yourself. You are your best company. You are who you are, and who you want yourself to be.

(edited version @ http://brewyourbestyear.com/articles/from-a-desire-to-fit-in-an-urge-to-stand-out/)

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C H A N G E

A photo posted by Eunice Brillante (@msbrillante) on Oct 10, 2014 at 5:41am PDT

One of the great things that I've learned from listening to Taylor's songs is to never be afraid of change. Face it. Embrace it. Don't run away from it. Her fearless aura never failed to amaze me. Her desire to become someone who's even better each day inspires me to become a different version of myself as well. I don't know how she does it, but man, she does it well.

I am 21 and I make decisions carefully, but sometimes, carelessly. I let my emotions sink in and drown myself into whatever ocean of emotions that is. But that is normal. The thing is, I do not allow myself to continuously run out of air to breathe. I get out of the ocean, breathe deeply, and move on. "This is a new day, and I am becoming someone new. Bitches, I am making the most out of what I have now. You can never pull me down."

As a graduating Accountancy student, this academic year serves as my make or break avenue. Fail a major subject, you are at the verge of not being able to graduate on time. (Not that graduating on time is the thing that matters most, CPA Board Exam does; but I am an irregular student, a transferee from another school... and it would suck to lose another year or another semester for one mistake that I could have had avoided since Day 1.) Give up at the middle of your journey, and you'll never get to where you want to be. So I continue to fight, to dream, and to achieve. I have failed a thousand times; but in those failures, I made sure that I fought hard and I learn from them. I pick the pieces of myself back together. I am someone new again.

There had been a lot of changes that I welcomed, and a lot of changes that I repulsed. Those decisions I made in between are the ones that forever changed me. Out of all the chances I've got, and the choices I've made, I always make sure that I would still stand to whatever I believe in. That I wouldn't just be one of those people going with the flow. That I wouldn't just be a part of the crowd. I make sure that I only compete with myself, and with that, I am becoming someone even better than who I was before.

This post is about changes. This post is about an aspiring Certified Public Accountant who is currently afraid about what will happen next to her future; yet fearlessly facing the unknowns ahead of her. This post is about being a new and better version of one's self each day. This post is about not letting other people's opinion of you let you down. This post is about new journeys and new adversities in life. This post is about a 21-year-old girl listening to Taylor Swift's songs to brighten up her day. This post is to never being afraid again.

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