Can I Explore the World with You?

Warning: this is a drama of an only child

(c) http://www.sptimes.com/2007/06/10/images/xlarge/PascoN_paslane_1697735.jpg

I am not really comfortable talking about this with other people, but I just wanna speak this one out. Just now. 

I am an only child and I never really did grew up getting everything I want. Though admittedly, my parents are not really that strict when it comes to house rules. I am not spoiled, or at least I think I'm not. I don't consider myself as one of those rich kids who always tend to get what they want. 

But I am someone who have always wanted a lot of things. I have that tendency of feeling really disappointed when I don't get what my parents had promised me (though I was the one who actually forced them to make that promise :/). But I've learned to deal with that. I've learned to somehow manage that attitude I have. But there are really these times wherein I could no longer handle myself...

Here's my problem... I have always wanted to explore the world, to go to different places, to experience a lot of things. And I always long to achieve those with my parents. I am jealous of those people whose parents are the ones initiating going to various places for vacation, etc. I understand... We don't really have a budget for such extra-activities. But I can't help feeling like..... "Can't I experience going somewhere with you even just once every 2 years?" 

I go out with my friends, with my boyfriend, with my classmates. We go to the malls (where you won't even want to go), watch movies, shop for things, go out of town (well, for field trips), sleep over at someone's house, drink 'til we're drunk, etc. But you know what? Even though I'm happy with their company, I am still wishing that we could also have those types of get-together. Well it will not completely be the same, of course. It will be a different one. But the thing is, I am with you and we're doing the things I've always dreamed of doing with you...

Maybe I am really being childish. Maybe I'm being irrational. But this is what I've always kept with me ever since. This doesn't mean that I love them less, it's just that, there are certain things that my heart is longing for. I'll always be thankful for everything they've given me. And I'll always love them no matter what. I'm just letting this out. I'm just really feeling bad...

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Mixed Emotions, Beyond Expectations

I've been feeling like a crap since Sunday night (I'm having my monthly period soon, that's why). But anyway... Aside from that, one of the things that bothered(and some still bothering) me is that I might fail Financial Accounting 1 (which, by the way, is my major subject). 'Di ko naman inaasahan na papasa ako, at kung papasa naman ako, alam kong nasa tres lang ang grade ko. I wasn't myelf during the last semester. And it wasn't my best shot in being a nerd. So I know where I stand. My only hope is a miracle.... at yung mag-adjust ng sobra ang prof. 

Our grades were supposed to be out tomorrow. But I was really eager to press F5 on my keyboard para irefresh ang Student Module this afternoon. *F5* (Still no grade in Accounting) *check twitter, then fb and after almost 2 minutes balik sa module then F5* (And I'm like, OMG THANK GOD. IS THIS SERIOUS? I PASSED FINACC1!!)

click for a larger view

Believe me, this one was more than I had hoped for. Felt so blessed and really grateful. My hands were cold and shaking after seeing my grade, and I really could not ask for more from Him now (and thanks to my professor Sir Tiu, too, and I guess Sir Alajar). God is really great. He makes all things possible. We just have to keep our faith. 

And so this is another wake up call for me. Time to change for the better, even for the best. I really would allot more time studying for Accounting now, just like what I did last school year. Better make my foundations strong than waste my time and regret for the things I should have done. I don't need to wait for another failure for me to realize that I can still do better. As my new mantra in life says, "Do it right now so you won't have to look back and say I could have tried harder." 

BSA all the way! I can be, I will be, and I shall be a CPA someday. :)

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October SuperSale Bazaar

So my college buddy and I went to WTC for this bazaar last Saturday and look what I've got! Well it's not really a lot but I guess it's alright for a 2,000 PHP budget and I even got a savings of 100. 

A dress (380), 2 tops (750), 1 pair of shoes (500), 2 nail polish (and a BB cream w/c is not shown in the pic; 170), and that amazing nail polish remover (100). Not bad? Or still a waste of money? What do you think? :)

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Unsafe

When you're surrounded with people whose business is talking about other people's lives, you just don't feel really safe. . .

Or is it just me? 

I always find it hard to deal with people, but really, I find it harder when it comes to these type of persons I just mentioned above. It seems like when you're with them, they are your friends. And when you aren't, they talk about you. And when they talk about you, they don't see your positive side. They dwell on the negative one and on their assumptions/theories of who you are. 

It sucks to be the one being talked about. And it also sucks to be listening to those kinds of conversations you really aren't interested in. Maybe that's why I really should avoid this kind of people. Not that they could not be my friends; it's just that, I could not stand them. I could not understand them. They seem to see every flaws other people have, but they don't seem to notice how filthy they are. 

I'm not saying that I am all clean and shit-less. But I am not really the type of person who can deal with such attitudes. Maybe I was able to tolerate this back then, but I don't think I can withstand this any longer.

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