F r a g i l e

You told me that you can see through my eyes, and I believed you could. You told me that you will never go cold, and I believed in you. You told me that love’s as fragile as an unattended glass, but ours is not the same as such. You told me that we’ll make it through… but now all I could see was how I have easily been fooled by you. (euni bree)

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Stranger

STRANGER

Euni Bree

3/3/2015

The songs you did not sing

The words you did not say

The promises you did not mean

Where did it all go?

The life you took away

The voice you buried underground

The face I used to know

Who have you become?

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The Bad Habit

She feels unpretty

She's covered with lies

Bloated with insecurities

Trapped inside a thousand sighs;

Fed up.

Tired.

Sick of every one else.

She's back with her bad habits

Indulging in sweets

And what would make her feel better?

Vomitting all these. . .

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/Pride/ Games

/Her

"Thank you for not letting me know early,

For keeping me waiting for hours."

/Him

"Alright, you're welcome."

He's mad and exhausted

She's tired and hurt;

He's had a bad day

She's been on her worst week, yet;

He's clueless on how she feels

She's done taking in all the negatives;

And now they won't talk for days

For some petty 'argument'

I am telling a story of a boy who loves girl,

And a girl who does love him back;

But he goes on with his life, and so does she

Wondering when they'll get each other back...

/Her

I just wanted an apology

I just hoped he let me know early

/Him

I need to cool down...

*shuts the world off her*

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What She Wants

I wanna know the “what will be,”

‘cause I am tired of the “what is”;

I wanna see the best of me

I could no longer live like this

I wanna know the future “us”

‘cause I’d still love to see you there;

I wanna let go of the bitter past,

The things that I could no longer bear

Sick of the present,

Tired of what had been;

Scared of what will happen,

Of what I have not yet seen —

Ironic, isn’t it?

To want what you fear;

To be someone different,

To be anywhere else, but here.

iamcptvtdbyyou

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Let Me Be

You cannot decipher what I need

Well, I cannot, either —

Are we falling apart

Or is it just me?

Or is it the longing that just won’t let me be?

iamcptvtdbyyou

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Es Keyp

I do not know how,

but I’d love to get away;

Take me somewhere else.

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WH Part 2

Who's at fault, and who isn't? Why now, and why not then?

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WH?

You'll ask why,

you'll ask when,

you'll even ask why not...

You may not have the answers now, but you'll eventually figure it out.

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Indifference

I'm no longer on track
Where am I now?
Have I been wasting
         the time that I've always had?

"This time will be different,"
I keep on saying myself.
But where am I going?
           Have I lost my mind as well?

Who am I now?
Do I still know myself?
For the past three years
          I've always believed that "I can."

Take me away,
          drown me in despair.
Would it still matter?

I don't think so,
          I no longer care . . .



Euni Bree July 10, 2014 (around 2PM)

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She's Nowhere to be Found

There's this girl that I used to know

We were once so close and insep'rable

But life's been cruel and things have changed...

Light as a feather, she's been blown away

The idea of her is the only thing that remained

But that isn't enough for her presence to be felt...

I wish I could bring her back, but I just couldn't

Because the path she's chosen is far from where I am

She's gone too far, and she's gone too soon

I tried to wait but I get tired too

I used to believe that it'll be easy

That she'll come back when she starts missing me

But what's happening now? Please tell me.

The girl that I used to know is no longer here

She wanted to be free so I let her be

Isn't that what real love is?

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Isn't It Ironic, Don't You Think?

Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 

when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out

when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

Isn’t ironic when you thought you’ve already had everything in control but, the next thing you know is that you’re already losing them? Isn’t ironic when you were able to get something you’ve badly wanted and not realizing its worth afterwards? Isn’t it ironic how life tests our strength and courage by making us feel weak and terrified? Isn’t it ironic how our failures eventually help us succeed in life? Isn’t it ironic that the one thing you loved the most has the greatest power to tear you down? Life, indeed, has a funny way of turning things around.

            When I first entered San Beda College, my life is partially whole and partially beyond repair. I was going through a rough time moving on from a failure I have just had from my previous school. I was in the process of putting myself back together and redeeming what I have lost. I was not completely shattered because I still have these special people supporting me in every decision I make. I was not completely broken because I still had my faith intact within me.

It only took me a year to finally feel better again. The journey has not been easy. I have lost some things I thought I never would, and I have gained some which I thought I will never have. But the irony of life haunts me back. Just when I was able to redeem myself, I have lost the most important thing I have held on to when I almost had nothing left with me. My faith crushed down, my performance downgraded, and I have forgotten who I was. My failure made me tough and my success made me fragile. After a year of hard work, there I went again, losing what I have just achieved and what I have just had.

 One academic year had passed since then. Life, for me, is more different now. I have learned to brace myself for whatever might happen next. I have decided to bring back the person I have lost within me. I have conditioned myself to be more prepared this time around. I have figured that in order to survive this game of life, I must be willing to sacrifice a lot.

Being an Accountancy student demands countless things from me - time, effort, patience, hard work and perseverance, to name a few. The irony is that even when I seem to give almost everything I could, I would still end screwing up. Once I get too complacent, I would start losing everything again. That’s when I figured that something has to change, that even though life can be absurd sometimes, you have to find ways to move forward. I could have just chosen to just let it go, give it up, and stop struggling to win it.

But I didn’t.

Because this is what I am fighting for and I know why it is worth it. The beauty, actually, is in the irony of life. Without it, I will never have to wonder and question why things turn out differently. Without questioning, I will never have to try to understand things in a deeper perspective.  Without trying, I will never get to where I want to be. And without getting there, I will never get to see the beauty of life’s irony. 

This essay was originally submitted as a requirement for Auditorial (The Official Publication of the Department of Accountancy&Taxation of San Beda College-Manila)

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Mentally Disoriented

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
I wish I never asked
I wish I never knew

Gullible and naive
Shallow and absurd
The argument is over
I'm never gonna win

Stepped with the wrong foot
Tripped by the other
Wounded by my choices
Damaged by accident

The past clouds my judgment
The present's filled with skepticism
Something's holding me back
But the future's pulling me through

Now the spotlight's on me
And I'm all that I can see
A step backward could make me regret
A step forward could make me upset

To leave and let go, or
To stay and perdure
A decision dependent on the other
A choice within another choice

Trapped and helpless
Lost and dumbfounded
Drowned in my introspection
Burned by my own disposition

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Things I'll Never Say

I just cried my heart out a few minutes ago.
Reality made me sad and I felt like I had nowhere to go.
It may always seem like I already have everything I want
But what people don't know is that all this time, I've only been trying to survive.

I never grew up in a big and adorable house
I've never been a princess who has always been loved
I'm one of those kids who's been used to bullying
I always strive to fit in, in this world I thought I'd love to be in.

My life has been shattered and broken apart
And each time it did, I always stood up with a stronger heart
I grew up believing that my mind could take me to places
And it's the only thing I have, for me to make it through this mess

People will judge and say things about me
People will act like they know everything that concerns me
People will try to understand who I am
But all they can see is what I have been showing them

There will always be these things that I'll never say
Things that I will try to conceal every single day
The time will come when everything will fall into place
And by that moment, I would have reached the end of this maze

My dreams will come true and I'll get what I want
The things I've never had will someday be on my hands
I'll make you proud and I'll pay you back
And the life we've had will fin'lly change its track...

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Late Monday Morning Thoughts

You are my lover and my sweetest man

Acting weird around you is just so much fun.

No one has ever made me feel this way

So I'm not letting go, I'm here to stay.

What's up with these words that seem to rhyme?

Oh I don't know baby, they just popped on my mind.

I guess I just simply wanted to let you know

That I'm thinking of you and I'm missing you so.

PS This is really a random post and I didn't actually intend to write a very short "poem" or whatever. So yeah. Good morning! :)  

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Why is everything so confusing?

Words. Words. Words. What do I want to say? What do I want to hear? What do I want to listen to? What do I want to conceal? But really, of all these desires, what do I need?

We're living in a world where we aim to please, as they say. But does this justify the lies we utter in order to please others? Does this justify the pain after knowing we have just been fooled by these words? I don't know. I can't tell. I'm confused, too. 

Why do people have to tell us one thing then take it back? Why do they have to fill our minds with so much hope and promises then leave us hanging afterwards? Why is it so hard to understand what's real and what's not? Why are words so complicated to decipher and figure out? 

It makes me sad and confused, and it hurts. I am emotionally drained from everything. Why do I have to believe one thing and figure out another? And suddenly, they're taking back what you just figured out, saying that what you've been believing is the one that's true. Oh God, I am too tired.

Our mood affects the words we express. You say you were upset, and that made you say those things. But for how long are we going to keep this up? I want to understand you, I want to believe in what you're saying. But how can I deal with all of these when I am too hurt to even think rationally? I am giving the floor to you. If you really want need me in your life, I guess you should do your part. And I'll do mine.

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