CPA to CPA

From a Collegian Persevering Accountant to a Certified Public Accountant

A work-in-progress for 6 years or so

My story is quite cliché - a transferee from a prestigious university who decides to redeem herself after a series of failures. Nothing seems to be worth sharing anymore, as we all could predict how this journey to becoming a CPA actually ended.

But let me just share to you the highlights of this particular phase in my life.

MARCH to OCTOBER 2015
 After graduating on March 2015, I have been set to take the boards on October to give way for my formal review. If you'd go back to my previous posts, you'll probably discover how unstable I was during those months before the boards. I went from being complacent, to being motivated, to being lost, to being depressed, to being 103% unprepared.

But I took the boards, anyway.

And guess what?

I failed.

Not conditioned. Not even an almost passer.

I never thought I was setting myself up to fail until my boyfriend actually slapped those words into my face. He was right. I hate it when he's right. I tried to reason out, I tried to come up with excuses, but the truth is, I am not exerting the effort I knew I needed to pass the exam. A part of me didn't want to. I knew I didn't want to.

I wanted a different path for myself, I wanted to pursue a different dream - my own dream. And my mind was clouded with so much passion for what I thought was the right path for me, that I end up sabotaging the present.

Regrets set in after that.

I was a failure, not just to myself, but to my parents as well. But they loved me anyway. 

Post-results dilemma comes next. Should I start working already so I could finance my own expenses? I'm 22 and I'm supposed to be earning already, but I am stuck here for this fucking board exam. Who needs titles to their names anyway? Or maybe I should try to become a full-time reviewee again and redeem myself. Or maybe not?

NOVEMBER 2015 to MARCH 2016
Yup, you guessed it right - I enrolled for review again and didn't actually pursue working full-time nor part-time. I thought that maybe, I should be focusing on review this time and should not let anything become a distraction.

But these months made me an emotional wreck - once again, I felt lost, confused, and unable to actually function very well. My motivation went from 99% to 9%. I was drowning in my own fears and trapped in my own anxiety.  I felt useless, I felt incapable, I felt so insignificant.

I thought faith could bring me back to life but no, it did not. Yes, it probably helped for a while, until I found myself screaming in pain again.

These months were excruciating.

I was needing my own support system. I was needing something to hold on to. I was actually dependent on some people to give me strength during these times that I forgot that they needed their own strength too.

And when I wasn't getting the support I thought I needed, I broke down, and I cried for nights. I was even crying every morning when I wake up. I guess self-pitying had been a hobby. I wasn't so proud of who I was during those times.

Until I snapped, and saw myself in the mirror.

I looked terrible. I feel horrible.

What have I done to myself?

APRIL 2016 
I woke up surrounded with my own tears, wounds, and pieces of me I could never even recognize. So I started picking myself up, and finally decided that this paranoia should already stop. The nightmares should be burned and forgotten. I should start moving forward and get on with my life.

As crazy as it may sound, I am admitting that talking to myself in front of the mirror actually helped me get through this month, especially in those times when I feel alone. I realized that no one could ever help me but myself.

So, I became my own knight, saving the princess who's trapped within the slave I am pretending to be.

"Believe in yourself" has been my daily mantra.

Trust me, it works.

MAY 2016
When May came, I have already conditioned myself. I felt ready, I felt like I could conquer the world. It wasn't pride that I was feeling, nor was overconfidence. It was this belief that I could make it, that I shouldn't let my anxiety overpower me once again.

That was actually an effective move until P2 happened. P2 triggered my anxiety, P2 brought back all the feels that I have managed to set aside for the past 2 months.

Damn, life. Stop being such a bitch.

--

Waiting was really the crucial part. I didn't want to check the results online, but I ended up trying to peek at PRC's website anyway. Going to Baguio with my boyfriend has somehow calmed my senses. 50's Diner was a really good anxiety reliever (lol.)

MY FAVE PART
Results came out the moment we arrived in Manila. I asked my boyfriend if we could buy an ice cream downstairs. I was on my nth stick, and we're having a conversation that went like this:

Him: Hindi naman siguro sila maglalabas ng results ng ganitong oras 'no? (They wouldn't be releasing the results at this time of the day, right?)
Me: Ano ka ba, parang 'di mo naalala yung iniyakan ko ng ganitong oras last year. Mga 1AM ganyan, nilalabas nila. Pag tulog na lahat. (Can't you remember that I cried at this hour last year? They released the results at around 1AM, when everyone's asleep already.)
*he looks at me smiling foolishly*
Me: What?
*shows his phone to me*
Him: CPA na yung girlfriend ko. (My girlfriend's now a CPA.) *he's still smiling*
Me: Ano 'to? Pinagttripan mo ba ako? (What's this? Are you joking around with me?)

It was indeed one of the most unforgettable moments in my life and I just couldn't erase that from my memory. It felt surreal, that I didn't even know if it's normal that I couldn't cry nor stop smiling. And my partner's there, sharing that moment with me.

--
It wasn't long until I sent a message to my parents, telling them the good news I knew they deserved. And this was the tear-jerker. My dad sent me a reply saying, "CPA na yung anak ko. Ang ganda ng pa-birthday ni Lord sa'kin." (My daughter's already a CPA. The Lord has given me the best birthday gift)

He isn't a man who says a lot when it comes to things like this, but when he does, it never fails to hit me hard. It's not that my mom's words were of less importance, it's just that, there are some things that are of greater impact when it comes to a particular person.

Nonetheless, I know I made them equally proud. They deserved this. They worked hard for this. And they finally made it. We finally made it.

--------
EDIT:

I think a significant part of this journey has been omitted while I was writing this post. And yes, it has been bugging me for weeks. I guess it deserves to be out here as well.

I may have written that faith had helped me only for a while, but I failed to mention how much it did wonders during the week of the boards. I have this pdf file on my phone sent by one of my closest friends; it is a book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It is designed to be read daily, giving you enlightenment for that particular day of the year. I usually read mine every morning, to start my day with a glimpse of motivation.

On the day before the exams, it said:

And that's when I knew to myself that I am going to be a CPA this May 2016. 

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KEEP GOING.

There will be times when you feel like giving up -- don't let it consume you. Keep going. Keep moving. Change something.

It is now or never, always remind yourself.

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C H A N G E

A photo posted by Eunice Brillante (@msbrillante) on Oct 10, 2014 at 5:41am PDT

One of the great things that I've learned from listening to Taylor's songs is to never be afraid of change. Face it. Embrace it. Don't run away from it. Her fearless aura never failed to amaze me. Her desire to become someone who's even better each day inspires me to become a different version of myself as well. I don't know how she does it, but man, she does it well.

I am 21 and I make decisions carefully, but sometimes, carelessly. I let my emotions sink in and drown myself into whatever ocean of emotions that is. But that is normal. The thing is, I do not allow myself to continuously run out of air to breathe. I get out of the ocean, breathe deeply, and move on. "This is a new day, and I am becoming someone new. Bitches, I am making the most out of what I have now. You can never pull me down."

As a graduating Accountancy student, this academic year serves as my make or break avenue. Fail a major subject, you are at the verge of not being able to graduate on time. (Not that graduating on time is the thing that matters most, CPA Board Exam does; but I am an irregular student, a transferee from another school... and it would suck to lose another year or another semester for one mistake that I could have had avoided since Day 1.) Give up at the middle of your journey, and you'll never get to where you want to be. So I continue to fight, to dream, and to achieve. I have failed a thousand times; but in those failures, I made sure that I fought hard and I learn from them. I pick the pieces of myself back together. I am someone new again.

There had been a lot of changes that I welcomed, and a lot of changes that I repulsed. Those decisions I made in between are the ones that forever changed me. Out of all the chances I've got, and the choices I've made, I always make sure that I would still stand to whatever I believe in. That I wouldn't just be one of those people going with the flow. That I wouldn't just be a part of the crowd. I make sure that I only compete with myself, and with that, I am becoming someone even better than who I was before.

This post is about changes. This post is about an aspiring Certified Public Accountant who is currently afraid about what will happen next to her future; yet fearlessly facing the unknowns ahead of her. This post is about being a new and better version of one's self each day. This post is about not letting other people's opinion of you let you down. This post is about new journeys and new adversities in life. This post is about a 21-year-old girl listening to Taylor Swift's songs to brighten up her day. This post is to never being afraid again.

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Indifference

I'm no longer on track
Where am I now?
Have I been wasting
         the time that I've always had?

"This time will be different,"
I keep on saying myself.
But where am I going?
           Have I lost my mind as well?

Who am I now?
Do I still know myself?
For the past three years
          I've always believed that "I can."

Take me away,
          drown me in despair.
Would it still matter?

I don't think so,
          I no longer care . . .



Euni Bree July 10, 2014 (around 2PM)

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Isn't It Ironic, Don't You Think?

Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 

when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out

when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

Isn’t ironic when you thought you’ve already had everything in control but, the next thing you know is that you’re already losing them? Isn’t ironic when you were able to get something you’ve badly wanted and not realizing its worth afterwards? Isn’t it ironic how life tests our strength and courage by making us feel weak and terrified? Isn’t it ironic how our failures eventually help us succeed in life? Isn’t it ironic that the one thing you loved the most has the greatest power to tear you down? Life, indeed, has a funny way of turning things around.

            When I first entered San Beda College, my life is partially whole and partially beyond repair. I was going through a rough time moving on from a failure I have just had from my previous school. I was in the process of putting myself back together and redeeming what I have lost. I was not completely shattered because I still have these special people supporting me in every decision I make. I was not completely broken because I still had my faith intact within me.

It only took me a year to finally feel better again. The journey has not been easy. I have lost some things I thought I never would, and I have gained some which I thought I will never have. But the irony of life haunts me back. Just when I was able to redeem myself, I have lost the most important thing I have held on to when I almost had nothing left with me. My faith crushed down, my performance downgraded, and I have forgotten who I was. My failure made me tough and my success made me fragile. After a year of hard work, there I went again, losing what I have just achieved and what I have just had.

 One academic year had passed since then. Life, for me, is more different now. I have learned to brace myself for whatever might happen next. I have decided to bring back the person I have lost within me. I have conditioned myself to be more prepared this time around. I have figured that in order to survive this game of life, I must be willing to sacrifice a lot.

Being an Accountancy student demands countless things from me - time, effort, patience, hard work and perseverance, to name a few. The irony is that even when I seem to give almost everything I could, I would still end screwing up. Once I get too complacent, I would start losing everything again. That’s when I figured that something has to change, that even though life can be absurd sometimes, you have to find ways to move forward. I could have just chosen to just let it go, give it up, and stop struggling to win it.

But I didn’t.

Because this is what I am fighting for and I know why it is worth it. The beauty, actually, is in the irony of life. Without it, I will never have to wonder and question why things turn out differently. Without questioning, I will never have to try to understand things in a deeper perspective.  Without trying, I will never get to where I want to be. And without getting there, I will never get to see the beauty of life’s irony. 

This essay was originally submitted as a requirement for Auditorial (The Official Publication of the Department of Accountancy&Taxation of San Beda College-Manila)

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Mixed Emotions, Beyond Expectations

I've been feeling like a crap since Sunday night (I'm having my monthly period soon, that's why). But anyway... Aside from that, one of the things that bothered(and some still bothering) me is that I might fail Financial Accounting 1 (which, by the way, is my major subject). 'Di ko naman inaasahan na papasa ako, at kung papasa naman ako, alam kong nasa tres lang ang grade ko. I wasn't myelf during the last semester. And it wasn't my best shot in being a nerd. So I know where I stand. My only hope is a miracle.... at yung mag-adjust ng sobra ang prof. 

Our grades were supposed to be out tomorrow. But I was really eager to press F5 on my keyboard para irefresh ang Student Module this afternoon. *F5* (Still no grade in Accounting) *check twitter, then fb and after almost 2 minutes balik sa module then F5* (And I'm like, OMG THANK GOD. IS THIS SERIOUS? I PASSED FINACC1!!)

click for a larger view

Believe me, this one was more than I had hoped for. Felt so blessed and really grateful. My hands were cold and shaking after seeing my grade, and I really could not ask for more from Him now (and thanks to my professor Sir Tiu, too, and I guess Sir Alajar). God is really great. He makes all things possible. We just have to keep our faith. 

And so this is another wake up call for me. Time to change for the better, even for the best. I really would allot more time studying for Accounting now, just like what I did last school year. Better make my foundations strong than waste my time and regret for the things I should have done. I don't need to wait for another failure for me to realize that I can still do better. As my new mantra in life says, "Do it right now so you won't have to look back and say I could have tried harder." 

BSA all the way! I can be, I will be, and I shall be a CPA someday. :)

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Mom, Dad, This One's for You. :)

It's been almost a year since I've made the decision to leave DLSU for San Beda College. It wasn't an easy choice, but now I could see that it is indeed worth it...

Being a Dean's Lister is a great feeling, but being one of those who belonged on top of the list is more than what anyone could really ask for. God knows how grateful I am for all the blessings that He has given me. He has made me see the beauty in every heartbreak and made me realize that there's always a reason for everything. 

But this is not where it ends. The qualifying exam for Accountancy students last March 28 marked another uncertain point in my life. The traumatic experience I had the previous year motivated and frightened me at the same time. I was motivated to do my best, but felt too frightened that this would lead to another failure. After a week of waiting, the results were out. And again, He gave me more than what I've asked for. I passed the PAPAT (Professional Accountancy Program Admissions Test) and luckily made it to Top 5. (Thank you Sir Alajar for being such an excellent mentor! :) Same with Sir Sampaga who reviewed us days befores the exam. :) )

(c) Photo taken from the one who posted this in our JPIA group

These things He has given me, I lift up back to Him. And of course, this is my way of thanking my parents for everything they've sacrificed for me. Aside from having the self-fulfillment, these things meant more to me because these have made my parents happy and proud. They deserve these things more than I do. I love you, mom and dad. All of these is for you. :)

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Motivated, but not that inspired.

Today I shall not sleep and shall work hard for my ACC02 midterms exam tomorrow.

Nerd mode all day, all night til midnight. Motivated, but not inspired. Despite this fact, I believe that motivation is even more powerful and effective than the latter. So, here I go tonight. The battle has not ended yet, and never will it be. Now I'm even more determined to strive harder and do better. Who says I'm gonna give this up? :") 

A brief blog post to express how I feel. :) Blessed and grateful for being on the top 5 students who made it to the dean's list (for the whole Accounting dept.). I lift this up to Him, and to my parents who deserve this more than I do. But this is only the beginning. I'm still moving forward and fighting. Dreams, sooner or later, I will have you. ♥

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ACCOUNTING is a METAPHOR of LIFE

ACCOUNTING is a METAPHOR of LIFE. – Professor Joffre Alajar

And indeed, it is. And it will always be. Studying Accounting and taking it up as your course will make you realize the reason behind his words. And as far as I am concerned, I have seen what my professor meant by that.

I have studied Accountancy in DLSU for a year, and haven’t made it further there. A heartbreaking dilemma this last summer, which tore me apart. I thought, maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I am not really for the course. Maybe it isn’t really for me. Maybe I could do better with something else. Maybe I just couldn’t love Accounting. Or maybe, I just didn’t give my all. I played it easy; I relaxed and watched my own character lose herself in the process. So I ended up losing the game, instead of struggling to win on it.

That’s when Accounting made me feel bad, made me feel broken hearted – the worst heartbreak I’ve ever had. It showed me how tough life could be, for failures are really on every side of the road. Bump on it, and then you have to deal with it. And dealing with it entails being strong, being stronger, and being strongest that you can be. Standing up after every fall is never easy. But you don’t have to let yourself be filled with negativity at all times. Sometimes, staying optimistic makes you go on, even at hardest times.

And so I left DLSU – with my heart broken, with my soul damaged, with my mind cluttered, and with my pride set aside. I transferred to San Beda College, with the positive outlook that maybe this time, life would be kind to me. But it wasn’t that easy. I encountered these individuals who brought my spirit down when I was still in the process of enrolling. They say Accounting is tough here, and that I shall be shifting to their course because I couldn’t make it. I admit, those words hurt; whether they meant it as a joke or not. And mind you, I never blurted it out to anybody yet. I kept my mouth shut, as I feel disheartened of being in this course again.

But I realized, WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE MY CAPABILITY AS A PERSON, WHEN THEY BARELY KNOW ME? Who are they to break someone’s spirit when she’s still trying to move on and start a new life again? Who are they? They are simply another set of individuals who don’t mind their own businesses. Insensitive. Inconsiderate. Oh well, what do they know about me?

The funny thing is, they became my classmates in one of my subjects this semester. But I didn’t see it as a sign that maybe, I am meant to follow their course. I saw it as a sign that I’m going to prove them wrong. And in their damn faces, I’ll show them that they weren’t able to break me down. For this time around, I’ll make sure I’m going to make things right. Maybe, I couldn’t go back in time, but at least, I have this chance now to start over again and learn to prioritize.

I know it’s not gonna be easy. But at least, I have my reasons to strive harder. For I know that Accounting, just like life itself, is indeed complicated. With this course, you’d learn to cry and get disappointed, you’d feel bad for failures and hindrances, you’d experience a lot of twists and turns in the process. It teaches us what life is. It shows us what real life is - that living life isn’t just being extremely happy and having fun. That life is more than just something to enjoy with, for at times, it is something that we must learn to understand. We’d all fail and succeed; we’d all experience good and bad times. But with Accounting, you’d learn how to deal with it; for you have been taught that life is never easy. And never will it be.

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