Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Emotionally Exhausted

One moment everything seems so perfect and then everything feels like crap. I don't know where to place myself, where to stand, where to even look at things in order to understand them in a different perspective. It's just too tiring to deal with myself, to deal with people, to try to make them understand, or to even care. I just don't feel like I'm being valued just as much as I think I deserve to be. I don't think I'm being understood the way I needed people to understand me. I feel so lost, so helpless, so fragile. Why do I feel like I've been forcing myself to be someone so significant to others when in fact I'm really not? People will just keep on pushing you away without even exerting much effort. After all the things you've done to deal with their bullshit, they'd still be lost in how they'd be treating you back. I don't even think you're getting me. That you're paying much attention to know who I am, what I want, what I need. You're just there, and you're just simply there. Instead of trying to pull me closer, you push me away. Instead of trying to make me feel better, you simply distant yourself. You run away, you escape. You hate confrontations, you hate me whenever I'm trying to speak myself up. Maybe because I speak nonsense, I speak so shallow, I speak with so much emotions. Or maybe we're all just tired of everything.

I just don't know. I just don't understand. Why is it so difficult to handle too much things at one time? Last week has been a long, tough week. I made it then. I don't know if I could still make it now.