Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Out of Reach

*OUT OF REACH*

/a song for him/

Knew the signs, wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Caught myself, From despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm so confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Out of reach, so far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

|------------------------------------------------|

Urgh. I really love the song. Masyado akong nakarelate. Masyado akong tinamaan. When I first heard its lyrics, isang tao na agad pumasok isip ko. Let's hide this person in the name HAIL. He's a guy, of course. And he's the one I was just talking about in my previous blog.

Anyway, bakit ko nga ba nasabing masyado akong tinamaan sa kantang to? See the strikethrough decorated words? Those lines in the song reflect a lot on how I really feel about Hail. Kung dati ko pa nadiscover ang kantang to, matagal ko nang kinanta para sa kanya to.

Was i ever loved by you? One of the best lines tlga. 'Coz that was a question that has never been answered. I never knew if he really did love me, seriously. Parang joke time nalang kasi lagi.

I never had your heart. Kasi nga, you never gave it. Sino nga ba ako sa kanya diba? Haha. I sound so bitter. But I am not. Honestly.

For these past few days, it was really amazing to find myself looking back at those times with him. At first, nagbasa lang ako ng diary ko when I was in grade 6. I kept on laughing because of all the crazy things I've done, and felt. Pero the next day, I still found myself holding back. I mean, hindi ko parin maialis sa isip ko yung mga memories. Na-refresh kasi ng diary.

And now I'm so confused. Eto totoo talga. Gulong-gulo ako ngayon in many ways. First, I felt too bothered by his thoughts in my mind. Second, I feel like I am going back instead of moving forward. And third, I feel like I'm in love with the person from the past. Alam mo yun? Person from the past kasi iba na siya ngayon. Hindi mo na siya nakakausap ngayon. Pero mahal mo parin siya - mahal mo parin yung memories na iniwan niya, mahal mo parin yung taong minahal mo sa kanya. Pero hindi na siya yung taong yun ngayon. Sabi nga nila, people change. Kaya ikaw, nasasaktan ka, dahil hindi mo alam kung saan ka pa dapat pumunta. Pkiramdam mo pati, walang nakakaintindi sa nararamdaman mo. People you'll ask for help will just tell you to 'move on', 'wag mo nalang masyadong isipin', 'namimiss mo lang' - pero wt*, paano ko ba ipapaintindi sa kanila na hindi madali lahat? Na kung sila kaya nila, sila yun. And we had different situations, hindi nila pinagdaanan ang napagdaanan ko. They don't know how I felt during the times na nakikita ko pa si Hail lagi, during those times na malapit pa ako sa kanya, those times na alam kong kilala niya pa ako, at may halaga pa ako kahit papaano sa kanya.

PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, 'cause they've never been in my position. Kaya madali sa knila ang magsalita.

There's only one choice left: face this on my own. I would follow what this heart would say, and what this mind would suggest.

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