Living in a World of Lies

I've always been that kind of girl who's too conscious of how people might see me. I always try to put up my better side to conceal my flaws. I always prefer to be seen as the innocent, sweet and understanding girl one could ever know. But the real thing is, am I really that person? Do I always have to try so hard to be accepted for who I am not?

My boyfriend made me think of these things. I've been trying to act as someone else as I try to convince myself that I am that person. I'm hiding things because I'm afraid of how people would react once they knew my dark sides. I'm afraid to be rejected, I always wanted to fit in. But now I'm asking myself, would I be happier this way? 

Oh, a lot of questions in my head. But I no longer want to be that girl who worries a lot because I am not the person people thought I was. Or at least, I think people thought I was. I wanted to be myself. I wanted to see who will really be there to accept me for who I am. No judgments, no pretensions. I'd love to have a carefree life. I'd love to act liberated in front of everyone. I no longer want to hide. I no longer want to live in a world of lies. I wanna be exposed for who I am. I wanna be just myself.

And as funny as it is, I just received a group message from one of my Bedan friends. It says, "Life is never about proving people that you are a good person. Sometimes, the bad things also matter. For in your dark side, you can see among the people that surround you are ready to light the road with you. It's not about how many friends you have, or how many people roam around you. It's how few of them ACCEPTS. For in your nothingness, people who are TRUE to you find reasons to LOVE you still."

And it hit me.