A Year-end Post

So it's the 31st of December, and tomorrow's gonna be another year. That's why I've decided to update my blog and make this year-end post. Well, this is only a brief thing about how my year went, and I shall say that most of the vital events are not posted here. But then, be sure not to miss anything. (;

#January~

I have experienced my first Prom night. Haha. Well, that wasn't really a memorable one, since I had something broken that time. I don't want to elaborate on things much, since that was a part of the past which I do not really want to look back on. Lol. Haha. So let us proceed to the next month.

#February~

What happened here? Wall bash. i couldn't recall a thing. Haha. Could we pass on this? :P

#March~

My Junior life ended. A lot of struggles had been experienced, but then, glad that we [as a class] was able to survive it all. (;

#April~

Another year was added to my age. Lol. Haha. Turned sweet sixteen. :)) I'm not used to celebrating birthdays in an extravagant way, so it was only spent with my parents, and we had a dinner. And that's as far as i could remember. :P And of course, this is the month when I joined Friendstertalk university, and the month "The Cullens" was formed. How could i ever forget that? :P

#May~

Vacation was spent for my review for the Entrance Exams. Oh well, I haven't really concentrated on that. Haha. Challenges were on this month, and a lot more in between. New friends were met, and this is the month my blogger account was made. :P

#June~

This is the month were a lot of things occurred, i guess. So let's begin with the foundation of Tropang Kalye. Haha. That was dated on the 8th of June, past 12 midnight. :P Era & I was supposed to be only transferring to another group, yet, we ended up creating a new one. :P Next highlight was about *someone* who left the country. Haha. He was a special person, so I'd think I have to include him here. :P I'll never forget the night I knew that he already left, because i felt my heart really was breaking that time. However, as days passed by, I realized that this occurrence was the closure I needed. & that was the thing that made me realize that things in the past couldn't really be back again, for the second or nth time. Oh, and yes. I think i shall include him here too. The reason why I was able to make it through. [partly, I shall say] This was also the month I met this person, and I don't really regret that I met him. And yes, he has taken part in changing my life this 2009.

#July~

After the long June, I can't recall anything about July. Hahaha. Too bad, I guess. :))

#August~

Buwan na Wika. So the hell what? Haha. I just feel like mentioning it. :P TK's already 2 months old, and counting. I was really glad i had this group.

#September~

One thing I'll never forget about this month is the bonding I had with my 4-year best friend. And another thing is the haircut I've had, which I regretted. Haha. And of course, my mom's birthday. Why? Because I really had a hard time choosing her a gift. So i ended up with a Bear Cuddler stuff. & that is so embarrassing since she thought i bought that for myself. :))

#October~

Ohyeah. Halloween. haha. No, not really. I guess this is the month when we had our field trip[well, the best that I've had.:P] & the really memorable retreat. As far as I could remember, this is one of the busy months I had. Haha.

#November~

Darn that CAT camping. I had my skin burned. Haha. JK. My color just got a li'l darker. ((: And what else? Wallbash. Why can't my memory work well? o.O

#December~

So what's with this month? Haha. Paskuhan. I'll never ever forget this last paskuhan i have had as a HS student. Though conflicts arose, I'm still glad 'bout it. And of course, the stay I had in the province. Xmas was celebrated there, and I'm as contented as always. :P Had fun really with my relatives, esp. with my cousins, nephews, and nieces. Haha. & my Xmas has really been complete. :P And what else? yeah. Bankrupt. I have no money left with me. Everything's spent on clothes and gifts. Haha. 2009 ends with my wallet empty. ((: Pathetic truth. ((:

What kind of run-down was that? Haha. I don't even think that it makes sense. Oh well, just bear with it, 'kay? Haha. :P Goodbye twenty-o-nine, hello twenty-ten. (; So special persons in my life, thanks for making this year a memorable one. You've been a part of it, and I'm really thankful that you have been. (:

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mixed emotions.

oh yeaah. so i'd love to make things straight to the point here. haha.
lemme start then.

yesterday, we had our xmas party. haha. at it's super enjoy. lalo na ung mga gifts na narecv ko. i uber thank those people who gave me gifts, esp. those who've given me spongebob stuffs. grbe. super nkakatouch. :) then, that night, we had our paskuhan. it is really an almost perfect night, except the fact na hndi ako pnaygang tapucn ung event. nkakainis lng, kasi, that was my last paskuhan as a high school student @ ust. tapos, they wouldn't allow me to fully experience the paskuhan. super nkakadisappoint. at nkksama ng loob. and i couldn't deny the fact na hanggang ngayon, i'm feelng bad about it. REGRETS, panghhnayang, at pagkakairita.

now. i'm feeling quite weird again. i just can't get why people tend to be so sensitive and insensitive at times. i'm not feeling well, emotionally. and this bothers me a lot. why? because i'm fearing that i have the tendency to experience this "depressive disorder". but then again, i'm trying to calm myself down, and condition myself. i don't have to deal with everything, alone. i don't have to carry the burden on my own. i don't have to be the one suffering from the sentiments of other people. i have my own life too. and it just sucks to feel like some people tend to take your weak points for granted.

it sucks to realize that not all people could understand you; how you feel, how you think, and how you deal with things. they wouldn't even have the mind to think of placing themselves on your position to at least know how you really feel. they just think of themselves. and wouldn't care of how you are feeling, and what were your insights about things. life is indeed unfair.

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nakakamiss magka - =))

haha. lol. so what's with this update? read along. ((:

Today's our PTC. And I'm really quite nervous for my grades. I know that it would be much lower than what I've had during the 1st quarter, so I'm fastening my seat belt for that. So basically, from 93, I got 92 in my regular Math, which is 1.5 units, the other 0.5 goes to elective (I guess. ((: ). From 94, my grade in Elective Mathematics has gone down to 84. And swear, that hurts a lot. o.O Physics, from 88 to 87. Pssh. It could have been better if my grade in Mathematics had not really gone down. The rest of the subjects? I got 1 point higher. And my Makabayan grade remained as it was, 90. All in all, my general average from 89.42 went down to 89.03. Well, still a big UH-OH for me. But then again, It's fine. ((:

Why is it fine? Oh here. Haha. My mom&I went to the mall to shop a pair of sandals for me. Well, supposed to be, only A PAIR. But guess what? I was able to please her, and she bought me 2 pairs. ((: I love it, really. :D And then, we went shopping for a blouse. Again, I only intended to buy only 1. But since my mom's feeling kind, she was able to buy me 2. ((: The other things we bought are those that are for grooming products. Haha. And it just feels so good shopping with my mom. ((: I wonder when could we do it again. LOL.

And. I'd also like to share a funny thing here. Haha. Well, at least for me, it sounds funny. ((: We were on our way towards the mall's exit when I saw a big teddy bear. I like bears, and stuffed toys, FYI. haha. So there. You know what popped on my mind? "NAKAKAMISS MGKA-BOYFRIEND." Haha. The thought of having that on my mind sounds really ridiculous. ((: It has been 2 years since I last had a BF, and that thing only passed through my mind now. And take note, just because I've seen a big teddy bear. ((:

Oh anyway, so much for my talkative hands. Haha. I guess I'll end this here. I have to turn this PC off since i promised my mom that I'd work hard this quarter. Yeah, I will really do. Inspire me, 'kay? ((:

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my own fairy tale (:

haha. just updating my blog here. ((: so, what's the title all about? well, nothing in particular, really. i just entitled this entry as "my own fairy tale" because i feel like it. and since this is my blog, i consider things here as tiny bits of chapters in my own fairy tale. gaaawd. whatever. my mind's in a jam. ((:

so what's with the update? i don't feel like blabbing about something in particular, but i just feel like typing about random things. whatever comes in my mind, my fingers encode it. and when i run out of words and ideas, well basically, i would end this. ((:

so there. as you can notice, i've just had a new blog skin, a new profile pic and description, and a new bg music. what's with it? nothing really. i just feel like my blog need a change. so am i. ((:

oh well, the song may sound so mushy, but i think it's the best song to fit in my blog today. idk why. it came from the soundtrack of enchanted, and it is entitled "so close". it's a good song, i should say. haha. and it makes my blog page appear more like a fairy tale. :p

so much for the randomness. i really don't feel well. o.O

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my life would suck without you (:

the title is not really connected with this blog post. haha. i just feel like making it the title of this post since it is currently playing on my blog. ((: and, im knda getting LSS of it. ((:

oh, anyway, here's my real post. haha. so basically, i should be writing this on my journal. but then, i think it would be easier if i'd type it first, and then transfer it on my journ. ((:

i hate this 4-day sembreak. why? oh well, friday served as my rest day - a rest from all the school stuffs during the past weeks. saturday? there'd been a strong wind that morning. and it made me feel like err, how can we go to the province with that bad weather? but then, thank God the weather turned well after few hours. we stayed in Nueva Ecija til Sunday afternoon, which made me unproductive since I can't do any project at all. I have my laptop with me, but hey, how can I do something if we keep on walking from house to house to visit our relatives? And then Sunday night, we arrived home by 11 PM. I feel so worn out and tired. And that made me feel like dropping on my bed and sleep. Oh well, I really did.

and now. monday morning. idk how to make all the requirements done. :| how i really hate it. why do we need to be bombarded with this school stuffs when we should be spending our time for the all souls&saints day? yeah. i am thankful enough coz we have the 4-day break. but then, with lots of requirements to be finished in that short period of time, should i still be grateful for that? :/

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why can't you see?

haha. okay. so another blog here.
it's really been a long time since i last updated this, so, i guess there were important events in my life which i haven't posted here. that doesn't concern you anyway. haha. i'm just sharing.
so basically, i am blogging today because i feel like it. and i have to say something, that i just don't know where in this world i could say it. haha. so, expect that this post would be just filled with questions and stuffs. and it may sound like im talking to someone, k? haha. :D

hhm. how do i begin this? haha. i really don't know. ((: but well, i'll try my best to speak out. haha. there. questions in my mind just popped up while reading your question to me. I was like, "are you just too blind to see it? or too numb to feel anything? do you think there's anyone else besides you? oh wait. have you ever even thought that all this time, there's no one else but you?" psssh. idk. maybe everything were really lies. maybe i was the one who really had a mistake for feeling this way. maybe it has all been my fault from the start. "i should not have expected too much."

no, i'm not annoyed, as i may sound to you. i am just feeling weird about this again. for these past weeks (or even months), we've been this way. yeah, it was really good and nice at the start. we always talk, we joke around, we always have ways to communicate, and we always have our time for each other. those moments may not have any meaning at all, they may just be some ordinary days, but i tell you, it doesn't feel that way. idk what's on my head, but indeed, it all meant a lot to me.

but things have changed - whether we admit it or not, there are some things that have changed. school made us busy, and other priorities in between. we seldom talk now, we act so weird, we talk like strangers, we communicate only once a week (and that one day could even be gone at times.). there's a distance between us, a wall, or a barrier. in that case, i felt like feelings also have changed. no, not really on my part, but in yours. would you blame me in feeling this way? i mean, feeling like i don't mean anything to you, feeling like you don't even care bout me, feeling like you left me hanging, and feeling like you only made me feel special before, when in fact i am really not? i could not feel you now. i could not even tell if this thing's real or not. But behind all these, i shall say, that i still believe that *something* still exists, somehow. i still believe that you are someone to me. i still believe you. and that may be too stupid for me to say.

things have been unclear. and we shall admit it. SWEET WORDS could never really be an assurance that someone treats us extraordinarily. we used to have them right? those words that could even make someone feel special. and it's really weird to figure out that things go opposite for us. i mean, we have those words when we're only a new item. but as we know each other longer, those have gone. where did they go? idk. and honestly?it feels awkward to act 'sweet' today. 'coz i dunno if it would be alright.

i don't know where i stand in your life. i don't know who i am to you. i don't know where i am in your heart. i don't even know if i have even been there, for real. and these things make it hard, and even harder each day. i already got used to it, but you couldn't change the fact that uncertainties still remain in me. and answers that i have been searching aren't still found. i know i don't deserve you. i know you're better when you'd be with someone else. i know there'd be a lot there who could make your heart beat. i know there are much more better persons than me. those that wouldn't nag you for your time, attention, etc. those that could understand you more. sorry, if sometimes i get so demanding. and sorry, if all this time, i could not let you know.

you got me totally over my 1st love (whom i loved for almost 4 years. that even though i've got lots of crushes in the years that passed, none of them managed to make me escape what im feeling for that person). you were there in those times when i could have broken down when i knew that he already left the country (without eve letting me know). you saved me from being totally broken, again. you served as my knight in shining armor, as they may say. you are my sweetest whatever. you are someone, you aren't ordinary, you mean something to me.
but why can't you see?

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four and five

so what now? haha. another blog here, obviously. well, i was really supposed to post something here last friday, but i was too tired when i went home, so i didn't got the chance to blog about what had happened during that day. ((: lemme start now.

x september 4, '09 x
it was rainin' hard, making it impossible for me to go out and proceed to my scheduled date with my best friend, vienna. we were supposed to meet by 10am, but guess what, we were able to see each other by 1pm already. and 'twas due to certain circumstances on both sides. oh anyway, we spent our first 30minutes at ust, talking bout random stuffs. gaaaawd, i missed such moments with her. and then, our next destination: sm manila. haha. i told her that i needed to buy a gift for my mom, and she said that she'd be willing to help me find the perfect gift for her. so we walked through the mall, strolling, window shopping, as we chat with each other. we've been through the dept. store, odyssey, bench, penshoppe, until we reached the bear cuddler boutique. a pillow attracted my eyes, and i've finally decided to buy it. ((: after that, we went back to the dept. store, and proceeded to the toy section. we acted like toddlers who loved such playthings so much, and people around us were almost turning their gaze upon us. but we don't care. ((: in line with my childish actions during that time, i bought a small bear and promised myself to buy one of that every week to make it my collection. ((: our stomachs were grumpy then, so we decided to eat at Mcdonalds. yummy fries. ((: after eating, we strolled around for the last time, and bid each other goodbye. BUT! here's the catch: 'twas raining hard and we both don't have any umbrella with us. so we walked through the rain, and exposed ourselves in getting wet. it was fun, though. haha. minutes passed, and i already reached my mom's office. but she doesn't know that i'm goin' there. it is a surprise, actually. when i opened the door of their office, she was about to scold me with her stunned face but then i immediately hand her the gift i bought. i kissed and greeted her in advance, and she smiled. (:

x september 5, '09 x
it's mom's bday! haha. and we were goin' to our province. :D i was quite excited 'coz it has really been a long time since we last visited there. i loved staying in our province because of the atmosphere and the presence of our relatives there. oh well, it has been a long journey because it took us hours before we reached the place. but when we finally got there, the warm welcome was really great. (: they greeted my mom, and stuff, and they were even the ones who prepared the food for everyone. (: it was not a super celebration, though. but to be in your beloved's presence during your special day would always be the greatest present one could ever receive. (:

blah blah blah. so i think i'll be ending this here. haha. i'm not in the mood to talk about things that had happened yesterday, since they weren't really big things to deal with. haha. and if you could notice, i wasn't mentioning anything about heart matters. well, i just don't feel like blabbing anything 'bout it, since i don't really have a stable love life nowadays. ((: everything's so complicated, i guess i should say. oh whatever. i don't wanna think about it anymore, and i won't try to speak about it any further because my mood might chang big time.LOL.

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and i'm back again (:

oh yes. i'm back again - in blogging. ((: after almost 2 months, I finally had the chance to update my blog and change its skin, bg music, and other stuffs. I shall admit that I really missed this thing. I missed typing what was going on with my life, and confessing how I really feel at a certain period of time. I have been busy during these past few months, and really have been too lazy to even check what's goin' on in my chat box here. ((: oh anyway, let me tell you now random stuffs about my current life.

x AUGUST BLAST x
--> sounds funny. haha. I just can't think of any other words to better introduce you the things that happened during the previous month. But absolutely, it has really been a big blast. It has been a very busy month, and a very complicated one too. A lot of things occurred, both in school and at home. Oh well, I don't really have to elaborate on such things anymore, because I don't want to go over those complex happenings in my life. I just would like to mention how tiring, stressing, and intricate this month was. From the beginning of the month, until the end of it.

x LINE OF 8's x
--> just this morning, some of our subject teachers had already given us our card grades, or at least, for some, had given us the chance to compute for our tentative grades. I got an 89 in Economics, which I really regretted much in a way, because I was really supposed to get a 90. But due to my extreme laziness, I haven't passed those news clippings which could have pulled my grades up. But anyway, I've got nothing to do with it. Haha. I'm contented enough to have that grade. (: And then next, in PEH. wth. When I was in 3rd year, I never got a line of 8 in this subject, but nooooow, guess what, I got 89. 89, 89, and 89 again. Good start, isn't it? lol. My tentative grade in Physics, however, is 88. I'm contented with it anyway, because I wasn't really expecting a grade higher than 85 there. ((: Okay, a big share. :p

x BLOG UPDATE x
--> Hahaha. I just feel like talking about this thing anyway. ((: Because see, there had been a big change in my blog. And then, I finally had a new play list here. Expect random songs, haha. And, see, I don't prefer my previous screen name anymore. I find it so corny now. Hahaha. ((: Oh, what else? Idk what to say anymore, and I feel like I'm already running out of words. haha. ((: So, should I end this here? No, not yet.:p

x FACEBOOK, MULTIPLY, FRIENDSTER x
--> Nowadays, I usually open my accts only in FS and FB. I never checke don multiply anymore because I don't find it pretty good, as it was before. Hahaha. But when I logged in yesterday, I was completely amazed and drawn towards its new feature. ((: It has the chat box now! Oh well, it's kinda better than the chat box of fb, I should say. Haha. And then, that's when I realized that FS is kinda being left out now. I mean, with all those advancements in the other networking sites, I really could feel more satisfaction through them. ((: FB's Pet Soc is still the best for me. I uber love my pet for real. ((: So cuuuute. Hahaha. FFS is also fun, and other stuffs there. Oh, and FS? IDK why despite all its negative aspects, I still can't leave my FS acct behind. ((: Maybe one reason is that, it is where I've really started, and it was really something that has already left me a lot of memories, ever since. (:

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Just Another update

It has been almost a month since I last updated my blog. And wth? Nothing's really changed in my life. Except for the fact that my online life's different now. What I mean is that, I belong to a new group in ftalk now. And that was a group founded by me&era. I am no longer a part of FU, but I will never ever forget how this group changed my life. :) My colorful life started there, and I was just too lucky to be a part of it, even just for a month. In line with that, it is also quite obvious that the family we formed there was now slowly vanishing itself - The Cullens. I don't know why. But it seems like everything have changed, and that we all have our own lives now. Except for some of them that were still close to me, of course. Anyway, let's move on. What I'm going to talk about now is not really something important. I'm just here to talk and speak as much as I can and I'm just going to update my life.

Something new? Well, nothing really. School's quite fine, my social life's well, my connection with my parents is still stable, but love life? Errrrr. Never mind, I still don't have that. Haha. Let's drop that topic anyway.

Awhile ago, I scanned some pictures from the past. Well, finally, my scanner worked. But as I try to upload the pics on multiply, errrrrr. Wth. It always fails to upload the pics. So I guess I'd do it some other time. What I loved most in what I've done is that, it reminded me of those days when I never seemed to care. Those pictures, actually, made me realize how much has really changed in my life. Physically, mentally, socially, and the way I really was is different from who I am now. Years have really passed, and time is really capable of changing things, from the way you looked before, to the way you think, and the way you feel.

Hey hey. Since this is really a random post, I'd love to add something. Some details about the person I was talking about in my 2nd and 3rd entry here.Well, nothing much to say, but I would just like to share to you something about that person. After 4 years of being stupid, after 4 years of being crazy, after 4 years of sticking to my past life, after 4 years of holding on, after 4 years of pain and martyrdom, now I can say that I HAVE REALLY MANAGED TO MOVE ON and ACCEPT everything. Now my mind is clear, and my heart is free. I realized that I really had enough already, that it would be too much if I'm still going to pursue the feeling i had for him - because he is not the same person I once knew. (yet I can still say that he's the same old liar) I have learned to accept the changes the occured, and the closure I needed before is not what I really need, for a fact. I've cried a lot of tears, I've wasted a lot of time. But I swear that it would never happen again for the same d*mn person. I don't need a man like him, no, not this time anymore. :)

So well, there. I guess I have to end my update here. I've got a lot of things to do. :))

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THE CULLENS

THE CULLENS,
The Vampires, The Olympic Coven, The CULLEiNS,
or whatever name you'd call us - you can't change the fact that we're a family bonded by the university that brought us together. We may not talk that often to one another, we may not know each other that much, but one thing's for sure, we won't let things be this way forever. We would surely do something to strengthen this family we have.

It started with Alice and Emmett, Eunice and Ben, respectively. It was the 28th of April, past 11PM when the vampire talk has begun. See this page to know how it went: PAGE 2959. And as days pass by, our number has increased. Lein became a part of us, and she had to choose between Bella and Rosalie. It had taken a long argument before I finally agreed that she could be Alice, and I had to be Bella. Errrr. She threatened me that she would take Edward away from me! Why would I want that??? And then Rosalie came. It was really Ben who suggested that Ate Jen should take the role of Rosalie. I wonder why? :)) Days passed by and Shin was already included in the group. He became Jasper. He had no choice, he doesn't want to be Carlisle. (Trivia: Shin became Jasper during those times that he was still teasing Lein with that destiny and fate thingy. haha.) Actually, I don't know who came next. Maybe it was Mark, who became Carlisle. To be honest, I think he was somehow forced to be the dad of the group because Edward's slot is not free that time. I mean, I refuse to have Edward in the group. :)) And then, we had Wendy and Krizz, who became Renesmee and Esme, respectively. Mygaaaawd. I had a daughter? Hahaha. Anyway, let's go on. Kuya Xtian appeared out of nowhere. Haha, kidding. I was already searching for Edward that time, and I could still remember that I've put "wanted: edward cullen" in my siggy. Gawwwd. I'm crazy. Haha. Shin and I were then talking about the search for Edward in FU, and stuffs. I don't know how to narrate this, but definitely, it ended in Kuya Xtian taking the role of Edward. And teneeeen. The Cullen Family is already complete.

So, today's May 28, 2009. It's our 1st monthsary, since the vampire talk has begun. I know that some of us really haven't got the chance to talk with the other vampires in this group, but I hope that there will come a time wherein we could be complete, and we could know each other more than just friends, but a family.




Happy 1st Monthsary guys!
You know I LOVE YOU soooo much. :)

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Out of Reach

*OUT OF REACH*

/a song for him/

Knew the signs, wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Caught myself, From despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm so confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Out of reach, so far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

|------------------------------------------------|

Urgh. I really love the song. Masyado akong nakarelate. Masyado akong tinamaan. When I first heard its lyrics, isang tao na agad pumasok isip ko. Let's hide this person in the name HAIL. He's a guy, of course. And he's the one I was just talking about in my previous blog.

Anyway, bakit ko nga ba nasabing masyado akong tinamaan sa kantang to? See the strikethrough decorated words? Those lines in the song reflect a lot on how I really feel about Hail. Kung dati ko pa nadiscover ang kantang to, matagal ko nang kinanta para sa kanya to.

Was i ever loved by you? One of the best lines tlga. 'Coz that was a question that has never been answered. I never knew if he really did love me, seriously. Parang joke time nalang kasi lagi.

I never had your heart. Kasi nga, you never gave it. Sino nga ba ako sa kanya diba? Haha. I sound so bitter. But I am not. Honestly.

For these past few days, it was really amazing to find myself looking back at those times with him. At first, nagbasa lang ako ng diary ko when I was in grade 6. I kept on laughing because of all the crazy things I've done, and felt. Pero the next day, I still found myself holding back. I mean, hindi ko parin maialis sa isip ko yung mga memories. Na-refresh kasi ng diary.

And now I'm so confused. Eto totoo talga. Gulong-gulo ako ngayon in many ways. First, I felt too bothered by his thoughts in my mind. Second, I feel like I am going back instead of moving forward. And third, I feel like I'm in love with the person from the past. Alam mo yun? Person from the past kasi iba na siya ngayon. Hindi mo na siya nakakausap ngayon. Pero mahal mo parin siya - mahal mo parin yung memories na iniwan niya, mahal mo parin yung taong minahal mo sa kanya. Pero hindi na siya yung taong yun ngayon. Sabi nga nila, people change. Kaya ikaw, nasasaktan ka, dahil hindi mo alam kung saan ka pa dapat pumunta. Pkiramdam mo pati, walang nakakaintindi sa nararamdaman mo. People you'll ask for help will just tell you to 'move on', 'wag mo nalang masyadong isipin', 'namimiss mo lang' - pero wt*, paano ko ba ipapaintindi sa kanila na hindi madali lahat? Na kung sila kaya nila, sila yun. And we had different situations, hindi nila pinagdaanan ang napagdaanan ko. They don't know how I felt during the times na nakikita ko pa si Hail lagi, during those times na malapit pa ako sa kanya, those times na alam kong kilala niya pa ako, at may halaga pa ako kahit papaano sa kanya.

PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, 'cause they've never been in my position. Kaya madali sa knila ang magsalita.

There's only one choice left: face this on my own. I would follow what this heart would say, and what this mind would suggest.

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This isn't a love story. ;)

THIS ISN'T A LOVE STORY

/edited - May 17/

My second post.Weeee. I don't know what to put here. Should I say anything? I can't tell you my love story, because I don't have any. I can't tell you how's my heart now, because it has gone somewhere looking for the right one. LOL. But anyway, I'll just tell you random things.

Four years ago, I met my 1st love, but I'll never mention his name here. :D He made me smile, he made me laugh, he brought colors to my life. But then of course, he was also able to make me cry, to make me mad, and to make me feel like giving up. The funny thing is, we're never really close friends. We always argue, we always fight - for unreasonable reasons. He was always teasing me, and I seldom fight back. Months have passed, and I eventually admitted to myself that I'm in love with him. I tried to avoid the feeling, I tried to forget him, I tried to keep myself away from him. But there are just these circumstances that fate is bringing to my life.

One time, we had an argument. I can't recall what's the cause of it, but I'm too sure that it isn't a big deal. We weren't talking to each other for many weeks then. But one afternoon, while I was cleaning the room & arranging the chairs, someone approached me. He said sorry, and that was all i could remember.

There's also this situation wherein we were teasing, and running for each other. And when I managed to stop running, he approached me from the back and held me within his arms. I guess he has done that so that I'd lose the game. But the way he was holding was more like a hug. Which made me feel awkward inside, and made my heart changed it's beat.

There's this another moment that we weren't talking for almost a month. And by that time, I could really tell myself that I'm already over him. Until one time, while I was seating on my chair, he approached and sat beside me. *I mean, really beside me, on the same chair. Errrrr. How I hate him for doing that. And then all the feelings that I thought were already gone came back, it just a moment like that.

Since we're graduating that time, the month of March is not a month of classes anymore. Instead, it's a month of staying in the room, or in the gym. The succeeding days in the 2nd week of March affected me alot. It may seem so funny, but to tell you, those were the days when he keep on bugging me about some stuffs -- telling me that he loves me, asking me whether he's still the one I like or not, calling me *honey*, shouting to everyone that I'm his girlfriend, teasing me about sweet stuffs for a change [*bec. he used to tease me just to make me feel angry and hurt*], and giving me little *accidental hugs. How will I forget those days that seemed to be a dream come true for me? But then again, in the end, I found out why he was doing those things. He and my bestfriend had a deal. I lose the game again.

Since then, we haven't talked anymore, as far as I could remember. We haven't even had any conversation durng the Graduation mass and the Graduation itself. A painful goodbye, I guess.

A year had passed after that, and someone texted me. I don't know who this person was because his number wasn't registered to my phone. So I asked that person, and he replied, "I'm spiderman". The conversation went on, and eventually, I was able to find out who he was. It's HIM. For 3 consecutive days, we're texting each other all day and all night long. *Sometimes i'm being too exaggerated. Waaaa. I don't want to go on with this anymore. I know what happened next, and it would be better if you don't get any information about it anymore. :D


This isn't a love story. It's a blog of random stuffs. :))
And mind you, that was the story of my past, I'm not in love with that person anymore. Even though I'd admit that I do believe in the saying, "first love never dies..."

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AN INTRODUCTION

Waaa. An introduction? I don't even really know how to introduce myself well. But, okay, let me try.

Eu-niz Sillan isn't my real name. How did I get it? It's a long story, and I won't even waste any minute just to tell you here. :p Ooops, sorry for that. I'm just a little bit lazy to let you know. I'm not that talkative, as you may assume. I'm a shy type of person, though it isn't quite obvious. But I love being real, I love being who I really am. Pretending is not out of my league, though. I'm also fond of it, but only when I needed to. Why have I decided to make this blog? Errr. I don't know. I just got inspired by lein's, and there, I made mine too.

That's all for now. Watch out for my revelations here, when time comes. ;)

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